oh snap!

I snapped my back.

Thursday as I was bathing LA, I snapped my lower back as I was bending my knee. I swear I sort of felt something dislocating while I was feeding LA while lying on my left. Not funny. Especially when you start walking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, only my hunch is at my left side. My left hip protrudes unexpectedly. Hunchside of Gombak. Nope, no ring to it.

So, along with motherhood challenge #1 (Colic baby) and challenge #2 ('single'-parent), I now have to deal with a third, the prolapsed uterus - peranakan turun.

My lower back aches like crazy and I can only walk leaning to the right in a snail-like pace. My movements are restricted. I cried when I couldn't get to LA fast enough to meet her needs. The only other time my 'peranakan jatuh' was the week of my wedding, and that deserves an entry of its own.

After two massage sessions - one being a night call - and me feeding LA while lying on my right, I think I am finally able to walk normal again, albeit, slower than usual.

*

I snapped at LA.

Didn't I read somewhere that babies can sense what their mothers are feeling? We are advised not to stress out or be angry or the baby will be fussy. Have you heard of that? Because I don't understand how LA can't sense that I am in so much pain that she can't maybe, possibly, wants to behave to give me a little break?

I have already passed up on many outings just because she couldn't behave and I did not want to trouble other people. But I reckon being 'disabled' is enough for her to show a little sympathy.

I had a little meltdown last night and took it out on her. I did not understand why she behaves the way she did. Sucking all day, fussing during her feeds, fighting her sleepiness. She sleeps while sucking or in my arms and wakes up the minute I put her down in her cot.

Maybe the protruding hip was meant to be her everlasting perch?

The reason why it is all worth it.

AY could only help through the phone. But what a big help he was.

I said some things I shouldn't say, things I didn't mean. Mommy's sorry sweetie. Thank you Ayang for being there and thank you for forgiving me. I love you and can't wait til we meet again. I'm making it up to LA by letting her sleep on me and kissing her all over.
You'll get your turn soon muahaha.