a & s

why bittersweet?

2011-05-16T02:17:00.001+10:00

Because I was leaving my husband (for a bit) but letting my family meet and hang out with my babygirl!

I know la some people thing, alah what is the big deal? It's only three weeks. Some couples slash lovers have been apart for far longer than that. Well, I guess they don't have separation anxiety, because I clearly do.

Here is my issue, it's not the physically being apart, it is the mental that is driving me nuts. My mind goes to places I don't want it to go and I don't even want to say where it goes to because I am so afraid of jinxing it. But I am basically scared. Scared that everytime we are apart we may never get to see each other again. I hate the fact that AY is missing out on LA's daily development. I'm scared that Leah won't smile that crazy smile of her again whenever he gets home from work when we get back to Melbourne. Because babies are creatures of habit, I'm scared three weeks is a little too long and she'll develop a new routine that does not include her father. Scared shitless its not even funny! That's why I'm bitter.

But it's also sweet because Leah who has been so much of an anti-social to be friendly with her cousins in KL. They get together often and have girly games that I want Leah to be a part of. I want her to give hugs and kisses to her grandparents and I want my family to spoil her as much as they spoil her cousin who lives with them. Wishful thinking I know, in three weeks? We'll see...

In the meantime, our adventures on the Mel-Kul ride deserves another entry. I have slept less than an hour since yesterday and now I can't sleep because my parents wants us to sleep with them. I couldn't because I sometimes nurse to sleep in the middle of the night and accidentally leave my boobies out like it's a crime scene. And also the ubat nyamuk brings the worse of my sinusitis. I could've just left Leah to sleep with my parents because she seemed to be in too deep a sleep (think warmth) to wake in the middle of the night anyway, but I have separation anxiety remember? Me sleeping with neither Leah nor AY? No, thank you!

So here I am alone with Leah in my room and I am missing AY so bad. We said this is our test, we'll see how this trip go and decide if we'll ever do this again, the being apart thing.

One day in and I reckon I know how it's going to go... :(
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bittersweet

2011-05-15T02:00:00.000+10:00

My parents say they miss Leah and play the guilt card all the time.

I promised AY we'd go skiing for his birthday this year.

We can't afford to all go home and ski, so here I am.

Its 1.50am, I'm breastfeeding Leah, waiting for our plane to board. Oh and did I mention I'm also bawling my eyes out? Why? Because AY is not with us! :(

I seriously contemplated to go home for a short holiday or for raya but because of money issues, and AY not coming with us, I decided to just pop over in May. There is no way that I'd leave AY during raya. No way. I love my family and all, but AY and Leah is my main family now. We're arriving just in time for my niece's 2nd birthday tomorrow.

And how appropriate is the timing for Leah to get the hang of waving goodbye?

Me. Sad. Very sad.

Why do we keep on doing this to ourselves???

Ps: I think Leah is the only baby on the flight tonight. Please pray that she'll be good. Nervous!!!

*sorry malas nak proofread. Mata bengkak, mind everywhere, arms hurting, she's abt 8kilos now I reckon, if not more.
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KL-lites, LA is coming to town!

2011-04-21T01:02:00.000+10:00

For a few years now (ever since we got married) I've always sort-of known that we will always be back for raya. Seeing how my mom does most of the cooking and preparation and how nobody is really around to help besides me and my sister in law.

And up until last week, we've always said that we'll be back for raya again this year (August 31). But AY have been wanting to go for a ski trip for ages. LA was born last winter so last year was definitely a no-go. And because they are born so close to each other I thought why not have a 'big' one (celebration) this year, i.e. spend a little bit more money. So I kind of promised that we'll definitely go skiing this year for AY's birthday (July 3rd).

So because we're allocating money for LA's party and the ski trip (which is not sikit) duit nak balik Malaysia pun dah jadi kurang. My parents ask me all the time bila nak balik because they miss Leah lots, hence my huge problem.

I really want Leah to spend some time with my family and to basically 'socialise' but having the three of us balik raya is not an option now. Of course I'd like to raya with my family in KL and JB but everytime we do, most of our time is spent in the car travelling from KL-JB-Melaka-KL-Melaka-KL. That's a lot of hours on the road for a short 2 or 3 week holidays. I know I'm right on this one.

So last week AY dropped a bombshell. He said he's okay if he doesn't go (bukan balik okay, go haha) Malaysia this year. And I have been toying with the idea of going back for a bit in April. But that's too late now. December seems like so far away and too expensive anyway. I will NEVER leave AY alone during raya no way in hell. I contemplated a week after raya but what's the point. So May it is! Just me and babygirl! But I don't know if I should feel excited! Honestly, the reason for this trip is for Leah to get to know my family.

Another problem, I asked AY if he's going to be okay alone. No problem he said. Is he going to be okay if he misses Leah's first steps? OH NO, why did I bring that up??? Leah will insya-Allah be 10.5-11months and who knows if she'll start walking. So he almost didn't let us go. But babe I promise we'll skype whenever we can okay, every night whenever we're home. (Might pop by in JB for a cousin's wedding - not that I'm planning to go out partying or something)

And he asked if I am going to be okay being alone with Leah. I said it'll be like staying at home everyday while he goes to work. But without trying to cook while a she holds on to my legs and pulling my pants down. Without trying to hold my pee in because she cries whenever I leave the room. So I'll shower with the door open, so I'll be on full-time diaper duty. So I'll be both good cop bad cop. I should be able to handle this, shouldn't I?

ARGHHHH anxiety attack!

Can I handle her alone on the plane?
Who is going to hold her if I need to go to the toilet? Who's going to take. Stuff from the overhead compartment or if she drop things? Who's going to collect the luggage from the carousel? I have become to dependant on AY I'm seriously nervous. I mean, my earliear arguments (yes we've talked abt my going alone with Leah a million times) has precedents. I've always seen moms w baby AND toddler travelling alone. If they can do it, I can. Righttt???

Can I handle leaving AY alone for 3 weeks?
My main roles in life now revolves around Leah and AY. Admittedly I don't do much (I iron about once a month whoops), but I cook everyday. I like to give him reason to appreciate me. Hahaha. And I do have attachment issue. The last time I left him I was more worried abt him than excited about going. Same thing now. Need to start cooking and freezing soon. The only thing that makes me feel a bit better is that he might be going to China for work. Oh, I hope he does. Then I wouldn't feel so bad.

Can I handle being the 5th wheel at home?
Okay not a major problem but yea sometimes I can feel a little left out with my parents and my brother and his wife and possibly my other brothers and their girlfriends. Duh, I need to suck it up. Next!

Can I handle knowing AY and LA are going to miss each other??? NOOOOO! When we get back here, will LA react the same way everytime her Babah gets back from work. You should see the joy on her face. She starts smiling even seeing the back of his head. And guess what? I'm not jealous! (This deserves another entry) but yea I hope they don't lose that bond. Three weeks could be a long time for a baby, yes?

I have to admit, I am always the bad cop in our family. AY rajin layan and is more playful with her. Granted he only spends about 5 hours with her, not enough to get tired like I do. And she doesn't kick him in the tummy while breastfeeding. And she doesn't cry when he leaves the room. So yeah, cut me a little slack when I raise my voice at her sometimes. But I'm afraid I won't be able to control it when I'm alone with her.

So there, we'll be back in KL in less than a month but I can't stop talking about how worried I am. Sorry this post is more than a rant but if you're not in my situation, you wouldn't understand.

Because the biggest problem of all is trying to make everyone happy. 1. My parents clearly said to me that I have to sacrifice my time and money and bring my child or any future children home to meet them every year (at least) because they've 'sacrificed' losing me to a foreigner(??). And they are pretty good at playing the guilt card. 2. I am very attached to my husband (so sue me) and would die if we're apart for too long. 3. I want my child or future children to get to know my family because they are awesome (mostly) 4. I want to have everyone happy under one roof, how do I make that happen????

This post doesn't make sense, if you managed to read til the end, well done you. If you have an answer or a way for me to make a gazillion $ so I can jet back and forth please let me know. Or at least offer me a job. Otherwise, please pray for my sanity because I am going insane!
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crystal ball part 2

2011-03-30T00:40:00.001+11:00

Okay maybe this is how LA will look like in 3-4 years time?

When she was born, my mom, who was in the birth suite, immediately said Leah looks like AY. I didn't see it straight away until I saw her photo. It was more obvious then, I don't know why. Basically everybody else said the same thing, with the exception of one or two people (yes, mmg ada org who said that she looks like me!)

When we went back to Perth, those who has known AY since small reconfirmed that she looks like him. So I've basically made my peace with it, I mean, she IS her daughter. There's nothing wrong with her looking like him.

But now that she's grown (9 months tomorrow!) my mom says she's looking more and more like me! And she sent me this photo to prove it. And just last week, Aarandom stranger mouthed (I guess she didn't want to offend AY?) to me, "she looks like you" in the lift at Southland.

Do you see it? Definitely the eyes I reckon... Maybe a bit of the nose and lips too, at this age... Well I guess we'll see, insya-Allah
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Crystal ball

2011-03-17T19:45:00.001+11:00

I've got a time machine! Or yea, maybe a crystal ball (the title has to come from somewhere).

Is it just me or do you think this girl could be Leah in 3-4 years time? Except for her lips (duh) and nose (this girl has got my nose!), I reckon they look alike! Her eyes and those brows are dead-on! Even that hair and that smile :)

Well, we'll just have to see. Insya-Allah we will all live long and healthy lives together to be able to find out. And I do hope she'll be just as cute. And kind.

I've always said that I hope Leah (and my other future children and their children) will have these three things:
1. Humility
2. Kindness
3. Passion

I can't decide which should go first on the list so I'm going alphabetically but I can't help asking for her to be smart and cute too lols. Yes, my biggest fear is that I won't like my child. Yikes.

*image taken from mothercare australia's autumn catalogue
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Cry it out? You mean for me or the baby?

2011-03-01T01:46:00.001+11:00

Yes, I tried the Ferber/Cry It Out method. Leah has so much trouble sleeping lately I just had to! Sorry!

I know we have never properly establish a bedtime routine for Leah. Maybe because we have never been consistent. Also because as soon as we've got something going on, someone got sick or we moved houses or got on an 8-hour plane ride.

At literally 1-month old, we (me and Leah) went back to my birthplace in Kuala Lumpur. There she spent most of her sleeping time on my chest or right next to me with my boob as her dummy on the daybed or in her Nanna's arms while I take a precious bath. Yes, all bad habits I know, but I'm a first time mother and nobody bought me one of those What To Expect books! I mean, two midwives walked in on Leah sleeping on me in the hospital and nobody said anything about how that not being a good thing!

When she was about 2+month old, we've realised that she can only be laid down either in her cousin's cot or on our king-size bed (I moved upstairs when AY joined us in KL) after 11pm and would sleep, well, like a baby until about 5am. Maybe it was my smelly clothes, but we've got it made, or so we thought!

And then there were all those travelling during Hari Raya. KL-JB-Melaka-KL-Melaka-KL. All new places, all new faces, she had to start all over again. The hot weather were not helping too!

The week before we came back to Melbourne, we were all sort of sick, and when Mommy is sick, baby inevitably caught the bug too. So she started to sleep with me as her dummy again. And that was how we coped on the plane too. She was just there, on my arm, sucking and sleeping and sucking and sucking. Don't even get me started on pacifiers. She thinks they (yes, we tried six different kinds) are toys and starts playing with them whenever we pop one in.

And then it was too cold to put her in the cot all by herself, so on our bed she comes. And at 5+months, we moved houses, so again with the new environment and all that jazz. We can't fit her cot in our room and it is still quite chilly and her cot is quite far away and bla bla (I'm too lazy) bla. We have tried putting her in there once in a while, and there's always one of us who can't bear to hear her cry/scream.

Every month I say, at 4-month! At 6-month! It never works. So as she is turning 8-month, something has got to change! Especially since we came back from Perth (that's a whole other entry, yes?) which is 3 hours behind, she has begun to act up at night. And now she is teething! So we thought okay, she's going to have trouble sleeping, so, yes, please come sleep with us. But because she is becoming such a pro at crawling (@7+month) and rolling over (@6+month) and standing up (@7+month) she thinks playtime is anytime. I get that she is having too much fun with all these new skills, it has been a busy month for her but she also needs to sleep! I've had it up to *here* with her climbing over us in bed and dancing while grabbing my boobies that its not even funny anymore. Not when it is 3am!

I tried leaving her in her cot over the weekend, but AY was being a bit of a wuss and took her after 2 minutes. It was 8pm, fair enough, but other babies were sleeping at 7pm, no?

So I figured, let's start today, with an afternoon nap. I've read what they do at sleep schools and I tried their steps. She woke up at 12.10pm, nursed her, let her play for a while, fed her lunch, bathe her, playtime again and by 2pm I was ready to put her in the cot. In her sleepsuit too this time. She started crying instantly.

I went to take my bath and less than 10 minutes later she was still screaming! I went in to reassure her that Mommy's still here, I'm not going anywhere, just in the next room bla bla but as soon as I saw her trying to stand in the sleepsuit, screaming her heads off I brokedown. Picked her up, hugged and kissed her, put her down again saying its for her own good and left to get dressed. Not without her trying to grab me thight.

The screams got louder. Came back and saw she was standing at the corner nearest to the door, hands held out, knees bent, moving up and down, nose was red, face was wet with tears...how was I supposed to be strong? I cried like I've never cried before. "Controlled crying" you could say. I was able to talk and cry at the same time. I don't think I was able to do that. Mommy-cry I shall call it. When you see your baby crying, because she is hurt or scared you can't help but be hurt and scared too.

That was when I realise that I am *a* mother. Yes took me 8 months, but you know what I mean. I nurse her, change her, bathe her, cook and clean for her, I do basically everything. AY have been helpful, But I am responsible. I brought her into this world, yes, but I am also responsible for the way she feels. Why am I hurting her like that? I'm sorry sayang, without you I am nothing. She is why I wake up in the mornings (or afternoons). You and your babah both. I love youse two!

Its true what Kourtney Kardashian tweets about her baby Mason recently, we can try put them in their cots, but when they are sleeping peacefully next to you, why bother?

I know she probably doesn't look it, but she's happy, trust me. Now we put her in the cot for kicks, just to see if she'd cry. She would! Haih, kasi adik la cot tu!

Sorry, didn't expect this to be a long one. But then again, I haven't blogged in a while. And according to my Foundation Studies English teacher Denise, I can crap on and on apparently.

Good night!
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Second stage visa application

2011-02-24T02:21:00.000+11:00

Yes, I have been a 'Temporary Resident' of this sea-girthing land for almost two years now. So it is time to get my status changed to a 'Permanent Resident'.

I can't remember what the question in the statutory declaration was exactly, something about your commitment to your partner bla bla bla, but this was what AY wrote. (Awww)

I reckon I deserve the PR status, one because I now use 'reckon' on a day-to-day basis. Two, I love its country man more than I do any other man. Three, I have pushed the cutest little Australian through my Malaysian vajajay. That, took more than bloody commitment, my dear immigration officers!

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Look what I found!

2011-01-30T15:14:00.002+11:00

Found this while I was cleaning LA's room. Look at the date! We had this name even before we were pregnant. Okay I had it. 6 months before we found out we were pregnant. Almost a year before we knew we were having a girl.

It's not unusual I guess because I would sometimes do this when I was bored. In fact, my mind is constantly brainstorming names for her little siblings. But what was funny was that I have lots of names for boys but only liked one name for girls. I only had the others because AY wasn't too keen on the name 'Leah' at first, he thought it was too 'Western'. (Since we all know how this story end, I guess I am quite good at getting things done my way *wink*) I even 'pretended' to suggest other names but I knew from the very beginning that's going to be my first daughter's name. Sorry babe.

I had more names for boys because I always imagine that I would have two boys and one girl. But we all know now that's not how things go. We plan, He yays or nays. In fact one of my favourite sayings is this...

"When you ask God something, there are only three answers. Yes, and He gives you what you want. No, and He gives you something else. He says WAIT, and He gives you something better"

Confession: I did ask for something else, and I definitely got something better. And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

She's 7 months today :)
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resolutions 2011

2011-01-01T00:35:00.000+11:00

Happy new year my ass.

*

I used to stupidly think how you spend your new year's eve is how you are going to spend the rest of that year. Like, if you're having fun, then in general, you will be happy the whole year.

Boy do I hope that theory does not apply this year. Because I'd hate to spend the next twelve months arguing and being annoyed at the things you say/don't say or do/don't do.

And also, I don't like this 40 degree Celsius weather.

*

Also, just to make it official, here are my three real resolutions:

1. To kiss LA lots and lots everyday.
2. To get back to wedding weight by LA's 1st birthday.
3. To be nice.

*

I hope your new year is better than mine. Wait, scrap that, I'm sure it is.
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0.5 birthday

2010-12-31T00:01:00.000+11:00

I can't believe it has been six months since LA was born.
Six months since I felt the contractions.
Six months since my life was changed completely.
Six months since I became a mother.

Who would've thought? Alhamdulillah.
*

We (I) originally planned to sleep train her today. I was even prepared to use the Ferber cry-it-out method. I did promise her I won't leave her crying when we were cleaning the Southbank apartment, but she did cry herself to sleep in the carseat while I was driving alone. So it is possible.

But in this new place, her cot is too far away from our room, good for the cry-it-out method but bad for the separation anxiety!

So I guess we're (I am) holding it off for just a little longer. Erkkk!
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Tv cabinet

2010-12-18T23:48:00.000+11:00

Fark I would rather be at home with everyone from my dad's family for the three events - engagement, aqiqah and wedding - than staying here arguing about the goddamn furnitures.

I'm only here for you in the first place.

If I had a dollar every time we talk about getting a new tv cabinet, I would be a freaking millionaire by now. It's not even yours. If we throw it, you wouldn't miss it. If we sell it, you'd get 100% profit. But I guess I don't have a say.

Like everything else that goes on in my life. Fark.
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What's gonna work?

2010-12-14T22:10:00.000+11:00

Teamwork!

Thank you boys for moving our stuff through the three flights of stairs and the romantic rain. So brave!

Thank you girls for the unexpected food and company.

*

Yesterday we woke up in our new home. We were too tired to set up the beds so the three of us huddled in the living room together. I don't know if it was just last night, or if it is Dandenong itself, but OMG I was freezing, can't imagine how LA must be feeling. The last I've felt this cold was winter in Europe 2004/2005. Geez louise papa cheese.

It has been a long weekend, physically, not literally. I feel sorry for AY because I couldn't help much with the hard labour. The apartment in Southbank is a walk-up apartment, and our penthouse is of course on the topmost floor.

LA, you didn't help much. Duh, of course you can't carry stuff and all. But you can't even sit and play quietly by yourself for longer than 20 seconds! So the whole day I had to carry you around while barely unpacking, entertaining and cooking nasi ayam for the removalists! Sakit okay!!! Sampai sekarang! Haih... You're not that light anymore!

We (mostly AY) have been going back and forth the old and new home to clean and bring the leftover random stuffs. So it has been a loooong week. The next few days are going to be hectic too. LA's still not helping.

I reckon we need a bit of a break soon. I sense a Christmas trip <strike>and diamond earrings.</strike>
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salah ke makan nasi lauk kari daging pukul 6.30pagi?

2010-12-08T06:31:00.002+11:00

TAK SALAH; kalau memang dah lapar.

TAK SALAH; kalau tengah breastfeed and perlukan calorie yang lebih.

TAK SALAH; kalau dah memang ada nasi and lauk kari leftover dari semalam.

tapi SALAH kalau asyik makan and makan tapi tak kenyang-kenyang! The last time this happened LA was in my tummy! What's my escuse this time? :(

What a joke!

2010-12-04T21:16:00.000+11:00

What an effing joke!

*

The events that transpired tonight made me realise that I am living a life that is, well, not really a life.

Is it me? Is something wrong with me? I know friends come and go, but aren't they supposed to stay for a while, longer than 5 minutes maybe. I truly envy those people with lifelong friends, childhood buddies, or even one close friend. I have none. My best friend is my husband, and I dread for the day that LA will outgrow me and just think I am her uncool mother.

2011 resolution: make friends. Sorry I mean, make REAL friends. Not just people you're forced to hang out with because your husbands are friends, but really REAL FRIENDS! Grr.
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blackberry to blogger

2010-12-03T12:57:00.000+11:00

Random photo. Please let me choose something decent!
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shit not again!

2010-12-03T12:39:00.002+11:00

It happened again. This!

Okay, granted it was quite funny how it happened this time, but I am still slightly worried. I was just about ready to speak about this when it happened again, so I guess we have to do a little bit more waiting.

LEAH MOMMY STILL LOVES YOU!

and hellloooo dandenong!

2010-11-24T00:16:00.000+11:00

Yes, we got it, we got it, we got it!

Sorry I can't get that Dora song out of my head. You know, Do-do-do-do-do-do-dora, Dora Dora Dora the exploraaa! Geez, things they never tell you about having a kid, how you suddenly become an expert with kiddie shows. As for me, I got stuck with the songs. From the Wonderpet's cute "This is sewious!" and LA's (and possibly every other kid's) favourite "What's gonna work? Teaaaaamwork!", to Special Agent Oso's "Three special steps" and "The backyaarrrddigans" from, well, The Backyardigans, the show sometimes doesn't work for me, but the songs, the songs are amazing!

Okay that was totally off-topic. What I was gonna say is, Alhamdulillah we got the house in Dandenong. I am happy that it is not too far from civilisation yang hujung dunia. It is close to a big (and new) shopping mall , the Waverley Gardens. It is in a nice cul-de-sac area, so no major traffic coming through (my dad kept on asking about security, so hopefully it'll be okay). It is big enough but not too big too maintain.

But I have to be honest, I am nervous at the same time because I don't feel I paid enough attention during the inspection because they were people still living there. So we sort of breezed through it. I forgot how the bathroom sink was like, I hope it's not a stand-alone. I forgot how the kitchen was configured, whether it was a gas or electric stoce, what colour was the counter? Where was the sink? Geez, I didn't use to be like this, what happened to my eye for detail?

Anyways, we're getting the keys on December 10th and will be moving that weekend, so if you're not doing anything then, come give us a hand. There will be sandwiches, possibly pizzas and a cute baby (not to be consumed)!

bye-bye southbank

2010-11-20T00:26:00.001+11:00

Yes, we* finally accepted an offer on the house from a buyer a couple of weeks ago. So, our to-do list gets longer and longer after adding 'packing', 'house-hunting' and 'moving' on it. It's hard to even take a bath with a baby as demanding as LA, imagine doing all those aforementioned things with one hand while the other is carrying LA in all her 5.495kg glory!

We haven't been able to sleep-in on weekends these past month because house inspections are always on a Saturday morning. We are waiting to hear on one house in Dandenong on Monday and I really hope we get it because, one, it is not as far as Carrum Downs or Seaford or something. Two, we need to vacate by December 17th. Three, I am tired of climbing up the three flight of stairs of this apartment with the 5.495kg cutie-pie. And four, I have had enough of living in this mess! If all goes well, we shall be hosting a house-warming cum Christmas do soon y'all!

*

I have got to do this more often. Good thing with updating from my Blackberry is there won't be many more long posts. The bad thing? less photos and sore arms, and no editing and no fancy letterings, etc. Yikes!

Also, I know I am a bit O.C.D. when it comes to grammar and spelling mistakes, but nowadays I really don't have the luxury to triple-check and re-edit everything. So bear with me, don't think I'm stupid, just in a hurry LOL! Whoa she's awake, toodles!

*They, not we. There are seven names on the contract and Sara is not one of them.

shitshitshit!

2010-11-19T14:29:00.003+11:00

I did something really bad. I didn't mean it. But it happened. In a split second, it happened! Please, oh God, please let everything be okay. I am scared shitless. I am not kidding. This is not funny. shitshitSHIT!!!

LEAH MOMMY LOVES YOU!!!!

@satinatree

2010-10-29T15:56:00.003+11:00

Sorry I have disappeared once again. Been really preoccupied with LA.

Follow me on twitter instead. If you want. Got to go tend to the crying doll!

what 10.10.10?

2010-10-11T12:04:00.003+11:00

Forget that, October 11 is a more meaningful date to me! 2008, we got married. 2009, we found out about LA's existence, and 2010 she is here with us! I could not ask for more! ~~except for Chanel~~

Happy 2nd anniversary AY. I love you!

*

OMG, I have been too pre-occupied with the husband's return, the baby's tantrums, the Raya food and the KL-JB-Melaka-KL-Seremban-Melaka-KL-Melb commute, the diarrhea and food poisoning, that I skipped the whole September!

I didn't even publish the results of the experiment (soon!), but life has been a little bit busier and there are a little bit more stuff to do and I get tired and drowsy a little bit earlier than before that this has gone lower and lower in my list of things to do.
o
Once things settle down a bit, give me about a year or so... Or once I get the hang of multi-tasking, breastfeeding and typing at the same time (this is my first attempt and boy, does my back hurt!) I will start writing actively again.

In the meantime, love more and bite less (random!)

baby experiment #1.01: my smelly clothes

2010-08-30T17:17:00.005+10:00

Yup, you read right. Smelly ~~cat~~ clothes.

Problem: LA not wanting to settle in her cot.
She falls asleep on the breast all the time and as I slowly moves to put her in her cot, she startles herself and wakes up. I used to swaddle her and that probably works better, but she is getting to big to swaddle and apparently swaddling after the first month limits her movement abilities. We definitely don't want that.

She can be gently swayed to sleep - just not by me. She probably smells the milk or the breast and likes to comfort-suck. In other words, I can't put her to sleep voluntarily. It takes more than an hour to sway and gently pat her to sleep. It didn't even take me THAT long to sleep (Lie: Yes it does, maybe it's hereditary?).

Most of the time I gave up and let her sleep on me*. This can't go on forever though, so the right thing have to be done.

Action: Putting the shirt I was wearing together with her in the cot.
Last night was the peak. I tried putting her down since 6pm and she stays asleep, alone, for less than half an hour each time. By 11pm I was going crazy, and decided to put the said item under her head.

Result: She woke up at 5.20am!
I was almost finished with my sahur when she started crying. She initially wakes up at about the same time she was born this day two months ago - with the time difference (7.14am in Melbourne!)

Verdict: Won't jinx myself, will let you know in three days!

*I know I will regret this in the future, but, confession: I love it when she sleeps on me. It hurts after a while, my wrist, my arm, my chest and her spiky hair tickles my nose, but maybe I have developed my supermom powers and became immune to it all. I actually miss it when she doesn't.

*

It's my first day of puasa today. I am still bleeding but it has been 60 days and apparently it's not considered nifas anymore*. I've missed 19 days of fasting that I sometimes forgot I am fasting today. I still have about 3 and a half hours to go and we'll see how I can take it with the breastfeeding.

*Imam Syafi’ie dan mazhabnya mempunyai pandangan berbeza dari pandangan jumhur di atas di mana menurut beliau; tempoh maksima nifas ialah 60 hari. Jadi, jika seorang wanita darah bersalinnya berlarutan selepas 40 hari, mengikut pandangan ini; darah itu masih dianggap darah nifas sehinggalah 60 hari. Dalam tempoh 60 hari itu jika darah masih keluar, tidak harus ia mengerjakan solat, puasa dan sebagainya lagi dari ibadah-ibadah yang mensyaratkan bersuci. Jika selepas 60 hari darah masih lagi keluar, maka ketika itu barulah ia dianggap darah penyakit dan tertakluk dengan hukum-hakam istihadhah dan sulasul-baul sebagaimana di atas. Imam Syafi’ie berhujjah berdasarkan pengalaman, yakni menurut pengalaman dan pemerhatian beliau; terdapat wanita yang pernah mencapai tempoh nifas hingga 60 hari. Adapun tempoh 40 hari yang disebut oleh Ummu Salamah dalam hadis di atas, itu adalah tempoh kebiasaan nifas bagi kebanyakan wanita, bukan bermaksud tempoh maksimanya. (from here)

*

LA is two-months old today. And look what she can do!

@6weeks 2days

@6weeks 4days

would you like an apartment with that?

2010-08-29T23:57:00.000+10:00

Any interested buyers?

For the official advertisement and more photos, please click here.

oh snap!

2010-08-29T22:16:00.001+10:00

I snapped my back.

Thursday as I was bathing LA, I snapped my lower back as I was bending my knee. I swear I sort of felt something dislocating while I was feeding LA while lying on my left. Not funny. Especially when you start walking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, only my hunch is at my left side. My left hip protrudes unexpectedly. Hunchside of Gombak. Nope, no ring to it.

So, along with motherhood challenge #1 (Colic baby) and challenge #2 ('single'-parent), I now have to deal with a third, the prolapsed uterus - peranakan turun.

My lower back aches like crazy and I can only walk leaning to the right in a snail-like pace. My movements are restricted. I cried when I couldn't get to LA fast enough to meet her needs. The only other time my 'peranakan jatuh' was the week of my wedding, and that deserves an entry of its own.

After two massage sessions - one being a night call - and me feeding LA while lying on my right, I think I am finally able to walk normal again, albeit, slower than usual.

*

I snapped at LA.

Didn't I read somewhere that babies can sense what their mothers are feeling? We are advised not to stress out or be angry or the baby will be fussy. Have you heard of that? Because I don't understand how LA can't sense that I am in so much pain that she can't maybe, possibly, wants to behave to give me a little break?

I have already passed up on many outings just because she couldn't behave and I did not want to trouble other people. But I reckon being 'disabled' is enough for her to show a little sympathy.

I had a ~~little~~ meltdown last night and took it out on her. I did not understand why she behaves the way she did. Sucking all day, fussing during her feeds, fighting her sleepiness. She sleeps while sucking or in my arms and wakes up the minute I put her down in her cot.

Maybe the protruding hip was meant to be her everlasting perch?

The reason why it is all worth it.

AY could only help through the phone. But what a big help he was.

I said some things I shouldn't say, things I didn't mean. Mommy's sorry sweetie. Thank you Ayang for being there and thank you for forgiving me. I love you and can't wait til we meet again. I'm making it up to LA by letting her sleep on me and kissing her all over.
You'll get your turn soon muahaha.

breaking the rules of confinement

2010-08-25T21:40:00.002+10:00

After giving birth, some women go through a period of confinement. These ranges from 40, 44, 60 or sometimes even 100 days of living a certain way of life and eating a certain type of diet which apparently will affect us in the later stages of life. Different people/cultures have different rules and ways of going about these 'pantang' days.

Because my mom was with me in Melbourne during the birth and 4 weeks after, I have to follow her rules. And because my sister-in-law just had her baby 13.5 months before me, the rules her Chinese mom made somehow influenced my pantang.

Some make sense and some are just a bit too restricting. Lucky my mom is not one of those hardcore mothers who won't even let a toe out of line. Because if she is, I'd probably go crazy.

Rule #1; Confined to the home for 44 days/ Tak boeh keluar rumah 44 hari.
Why - It's cold and would affect your bones and joints when you get old (somehow). Babies are not fully acclimatised with being outside the womb.

I broke this rule - We first went out on the 15th day to have the 2nd part of our Verve Portraits photoshoot. We've gone out a couple more times after that but mostly for Leah's check-ups which are neccessary. But after each 'neccessary' outing, we'd take the opportunity to go elsewhere. Like, Kopitiam for dinner, Highpoint to do some last minute shopping and the tailor's to get my baju raya done. The most ridiculous thing someone in their pantang could do is to attend a wedding, and I did it. Oh and also boarding an 8-hour plane ride. I
did that too.

I'm paying for it - After the first outing, I can actually feel my joints aching. But I partly blame the winter chill.

Rule #2; Only eat certain food / Makan makanan yang tertentu.
Why - Your body is still recovering from a major process, and certain food prevents your body from healing properly. So no spicy or fried food, nothing with oil or sugar. I've been confined to eating steamed chicken or fish with rice. The seasonings are limited to ginger, garlic and black pepper. It's not that bad but imagine eating the same thing for lunch and dinner everyday.

Hmm, yum.

I broke this rule - I had chocolates. Two tiny bites, but still. I was too hungry, nobody was home, Leah wouldn't give me a break so the only thing edible without me needing to warm up or prepare was a snack size Cherry Ripe. Not the best thing you would cheat on something with but
beggars can't be choosers. Oh, and did you think I could go to a wedding and sit there quitely? No, neither can I. I was good with the drinks though.

I'm paying for it - I've only lost 13kilos. And my tummy? Buncit! Okay fine, I weigh less than I was pre-pregnant days, but I need to get down to my wedding night weight. But the buncitness is still NOT fine!

Rule #3; No cold drinks / Tak boleh minum air sejuk
Why - Body needs to heal and making it colder is not a good thing. Apparently hot drinks make everything (read; pelvic bones, uterus etc) shrink faster. And what kind of hot drink? This slow-cooked dried longans, dried red Chinese dates, dried black dates, dried tiny seedy fruits that I have never seen before and dried ~~fingers~~ akar kayu, among other stuff.

Verdict; NASTY!

I broke this rule - like nobody's bussiness. But it wasn't my fault. The hospital kept giving us iced water. Crushed ice. In other words, heaven on earth. And I found out where the machine was.

I'm paying for it - My perut still buncit! 'Nuff said

Rule #4; No bathing for 2 weeks and washing of the hair for 1 month / Tak boleh mandi untuk 2 minggu dan basuh rambut untuk 1 bulan
Why - Again with the cold.

(Photo ada but kena censor, sorry!)

I broke this rule - I was not going to have my photos taken without shampooing! But in 44 days, I only washed my hair 4 times, a stark contrast of my daily shampoo pre-partum(?). Thank God it was winter in Melbourne so it wasn't too gross but 2 days in KL and I couldn't take the heat and humidity.

I'm paying for it - Hmm, maybe it's the joints too?

Rule #5; No house chores / Tak boleh buat kerja rumah
Why - Well, duh. But it's the only one I like :)

I broke this rule - I washed dishes too give my mom a break (whenever she didn't notice) and because I couldn't wait for AY to do it the next day or the next week :p. I cooked for AY's birthday and also for his meal storage while we were away.

I'm paying for it - Still bleeding and backaches.

There are lots of other rules - that I break - like, always wear warm clothing including socks (thank God it's winter in Melb!), no pants - always kain batik, which AY loves, very perempuan ayu sort of thing - which became comfortable after a while, walk slowly and sit properly, no kangkang kangkang. No potong-potong. Hair or nails, I mean.

I broke one trying to get BabyBjorn off. Or on.

Excuse the pudgy (and senget) fingers!

Why 44 days? Apparently that is how long it takes your body to heal after a major change and on average, your lochia should stop flowing around this time. I guess it makes sense. But it's day 56 for me and there are still a speck of blood every now and then. I'm just glad they don't make the pantang as long as you still bleed!

Just pantang for THAT part! :( But being long-distance is already taking care of that, LOL.

Off to have Nasi Lemak with Paru and Blackforest Cheesecake and Air Kelapa! Toodles!

i love my husband...

2010-08-20T01:30:00.008+10:00

...so very much!

WOOHOO!!!

Fifteen days babe. What would have been a nineteen-days countdown is now down to fifteen-days! Can't wait!

*

I am disgusted with all these baby and foetus dumping happening all around Malaysia. I look at Leah and can't even leave her to cry by herself and these "people" can actually stomach an utterly cruel act?

I know it is probably a hard thing for them to do, you know, hiding a pregnancy, going into labour in secret, avoiding getting caught and all that, but that is why we think of the consequences before doing anything.

If you love your partner so much and can't wait to be married to have sex, fine, it's your prerogative, I'm not God, I won't judge you, but for goodness sakes, do it right - though how can you do a wrong thing the right way? Wear a condom. Take the pill. Can't afford it? Freaking refrain yourself! I did it, why can't you?

Too late? Dump the baby somewhere public, or with heavy traffic, somewhere people can find him/her alive. Mosques, malls whatever. Not in the dumpster, or the drain, not in the woods. So many people are childless and aren't happy about it. I'm sure these people are capable to care for these babies. Don't effing leave them to die! Poor little babies.

How can you give birth to this sweet little angel
and then just dump him hours later?

Bless you my child, for being born into this cruel world,
and still manage to crack a smile.

I hope you survive and not know who your real parents are for they don't deserve you.

*Photo from today's The Star article.

please help me

2010-08-13T15:54:00.000+10:00

We're supposed to be in this together. So why is it only me who is feeling this way?

I know it's not your fault you're so far away but the least I expect you to do is be there when I need you. You're the only one who knows how bad it can be. You remind me of why I need to make it through each day. Talking to you makes me sane.

So please, I don't want to go crazy. I think by now you should know your priority. I was fine when I was never it, but she should be on top of your list now.

Stop asking me to get help. The only help I haven't gotten is from you.

I miss you.

single-parenting

2010-08-12T03:18:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I snapped at AY over the phone. LA was driving me mad with her incessant sucking and wailing - at the same time - that I took it out on him. I won't lie, our new addition has tested our marriage. The first few weeks were hard. I was pretty much down physically, mentally and of course emotionally.

I'm not alone. New mothers often think their partners never do enough. I mean, we went through the 40 weeks of gestation, not to mention the various side effects, hours of painful contractions and labour and they complain when asked to wash the baby's clothes by hand.

We are up all night feeding and tending to the baby and they hold them for five minutes and the minute baby cries, they say he or she is hungry and shove them onto our breasts. (Okay, this is everyone, not just the partners, baby cries, "Oh she's hungry, here she is"! Pfft!)

Our nipples are sore, our stitches has not completely healed, our backs ache, our wrists hurt, our hair gets greasy and our bodies stink of not having time to shower but we have no choice. Nobody else can nurse her like we do. It is either me, or me. It is our responsibility, or 'privilege'. And the 'breastfeed for the first 6 months' rule basically screws us over. And no, the expressed milk is never enough - how the hell can you express anyway if your baby does not stop sucking away at your breasts?

I am not saying AY did not help. He is the designated LA-burper after almost every feed because he was always better at it. He helped rocked LA go to sleep when I can't take her comfort-sucking anymore. He rubbed my back, slept with one pillow so I can have the other three to support my back while nursing. He fetched me drinks and biscuits when I get too thirsty or hungry while LA is sucking. He even betulkan my socks! It just never feels enough. My mom said I 'bullied' him too much, but I reckon I just wanted to be spoilt. I somehow seemed to
forget that e wakes up at 6 in the morning - sometimes earlier - to go to work.

I thought being separated would make it even harder but surprisingly it was the best thing we could've done. AY was who I could complain everything to - and he'd totally understand - without sounding like a failure, until today.

LA is back to her colicky self. She cries for hours straight and nothing could soothe her. I was becoming frustrated when I couldn't do anything else. She falls asleep, I put her down in her cot, sit on the toilet and two seconds later she starts crying.

Don't get me wrong, I am far from doing it alone. My family is here to help me. And they've been such great help that I feel somewhat guilty. My mom bathes her every morning. My abang rocks her to sleep (and then she wakes up again). But I don't feel comfortable passing my crying
baby to someone else. I mean, I am the mother, shouldn't I be able to soothe my own daugther? Shouldn't I be able to make her go to sleep? This is why I need AY here with me. I really can't wait for him to get his ass down, or actually, up here.

But now, all he could do is, in his own words, let me 'take it out on' him. And I shouldn't, but being a parent is a 24/7 job, it isn't like going to work for 8 hours and having a break at the end of the day. And right now, being a 'single' parent means working double hard. And at six-week old (today!), LA has no use of proxy parent, so I'll take you up on your offer but I just need to apologise in advance.

And just in case I don't say it enough lately, ILUSVM.

*

I have a feeling I am going to have trouble adjusting to not have any help during the time AY's at work. And I have a feeling ~~that tonight's gonna be a good night~~ that I am going to break down
more often, being homesick and all. Dreading the days.

*

LA isn't all bad. When she isn't crying or being a newborn, she smiles and shows her hereditary dimple. She's also a good traveller, based on that one experience, and the Baby Bjorn Active Carrier was a good investment.

Trial session.

*

The lamest excuse I have heard of not visiting; Being scared that I would be embarrassed with my kain batik and hair all tied up during confinement. Shouldn't I be the judge of that? Idiot.

people loves LA

2010-08-09T01:03:00.001+10:00

Okay, my earlier post wasn't meant to make anybody feel bad, but yesterday there was a sudden wave of visitors for baby LA.

*

We went out for dimsum for lunch (yes, I am still in confinement - so I had a very unsatisfying meal, and wait, wth was I doing going out?) and by 4pm we had friends and family over. Everybody seemed to only have Saturday evening free, so I thought it'd be a good idea, hospitality and food-wise, to have everybody over at the same time.

As usual, I was wrong. People were coming non-stop until about 9pm. I had people I knew from BBGS, from Melbourne and my dad's sisters over. And because the people did not know each other, I had to split my time between each group and naturally felt guilty.

I got so tired in the end - I haven't had anything to eat since the aforementioned unsatisfying dimsum, my milk were leaking, I was covered with vomit and my arms hurt from holding LA for so long - that I took it out on AY.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and LA wasn't helping much with her tantrums, wailing and flailing of the legs, so when AY said he'll 'talk to me tomorrow', my hormones took over and I immediately played the abandoned-wife-and-single-parent card.

I needed him to be by my side. I needed him to comfort me after a long day. I needed him to help me control my emotions before I take it out on LA. But most importantly, I needed him. Being so far away, all he could do was remind me that it is nice to know that people care. And how right he was.

So, to those people who took their time travelling from places as far as Shah Alam and PJ, we appreciate your visit and the thoughtful gifts. Sorry I wasn't a more hospitable host and sorry Leah is still very clingy.

And yes, sorry for keeping you up so late syg, but who the hell plays football at 8.30am on a Sunday?

*

I left LA at home for the first time tonight to attend a friend's wedding (selamba, pantang tak habis lagi). Did not think I would do it this soon, but I did. Being the person that I am, I felt guilty all through the night and had to resort in asking AY to order me as a husband that I could go. He said I should take some 'me' time and boy does it feel liberating!

But Mommy's not going to leave you alone for a long time. If Baba was here, you will definitely come with us. I only went because I haven't seen Aunty Mariam since December 08 in Perth and she's leaving for London in a couple of weeks for about two years. I'll tell you the funny story of how we became movie buddies in high school. I'm sure you'll understand, right Leah?

cak!

2010-08-04T00:50:00.002+10:00

Leah at 1-month old.

Hi baba, me and mommy are missing you heaps.

courtesy call

2010-08-01T12:21:00.001+10:00

I can't believe it has been more than 72 hours since we arrived from Melbourne and nobody has come pay Leah a visit. I mean our close relatives. Close in terms of relations, i.e. first cousins, aunts etc and close in terms of distance. Most of us live only about 15 minutes away from each other. So what's the excuse?

Alia asked if we 'are ready to receive guests or still overwhelmed by relatives'? Because that is to be expected, wouldn't it? A newborn comes from 4000 miles away. A relative you haven't seen for 10 months. One would expect people, relatives, at least to come and visit. How wrong would one be.

We arrived early Thursday morning. Breakfast was supposed to be arranged by my aunt who lives with my grandmother. But because we arrived 35 minutes early, it became 'too early' for her and apparently she had errands to do. Which includes sending her 27-year old senior executive daughter to work. Fair enough. We decided not to disturb Nenek too early in the morning so we had breakfast at home - nasi lemak for all, dry biscuits for me, yum! - with just the family.

Then I thought, hey maybe this aunt will bring Nenek over in the afternoon! Nope. At night, after dutily fetching her daughter? Nope. What about the others? Nope. Hmm, maybe because the next day was a working day. Fair enough.

Then comes Friday, I had my urut mid-morning and a drama mid-afternoon (which needs an entry by itself! - or not), so it was good that nobody checks in.

Another urut session on Saturday and still no one. Until about 2pm when Nenek appears at the door when me and Leah were sleeping. With the maid. Sent by the same aunt. And where is she? Just got back from kubur apparently, not good to come see the baby. Fair enough, I don't want any bad aura around Leah too. But where's the harm in popping your head in from the door and say hello?

Well if you ask if I am a little pissed off, the answer is yes. I expected a little better. I have always been too caring about other people, calling - even once direct from Melbourne to Glasgow - just to congratulate on a pregnancy, buying gifts when I come back from Melbourne - passing stuff to Mama to give to the kids even when I don't come back (and not getting a thank you), remembering every single birthday, etc. I'm not asking for much, just a little acknowledgement for my first born.

Maybe I merajuk because from the very beginning, i.e me being pregnant it was never a big deal to them. And when my mom came to Melboure, I honestly expected something, maybe some words of encouragement. Fine, out of sight, out of mind. Mama said maybe because they knew I was coming home, so we should just wait?

Well, ada kenduri doa selamat, tahlil and sambut puasa at Nenek's today and I don't really want to go. Because I truly can't believe that I have to bring Leah to them - whilst in my pantang. Never in a million years could I have predicted this to happen.

What a joke. Poor baby Leah. What an environment to grow up in eh?

long-distance relationship part 3508

2010-07-31T22:28:00.004+10:00

We have safely arrived home (mine!) and now it is back to this...

I miss waking up to this,

or rather, I miss falling asleep next to this,

and this...

things people rarely tell you about newborns

2010-07-28T12:19:00.002+10:00

Okay, either people rarely tell me these sort of stuff about newborns or I have been too focused on reading up about pregnancy I forgot to prepare myself for the ultimate prize - the baby. People, me included, always think that babies are a bundle of joy. That they would come out all cute and cuddly, with dimples and rosy cheeks. That all they do is eat and sleep.

I mean, I know about the bad stuff that comes with it. I know they are not perfect. The sleepless nights, the pooping, the peeing in the middle of a diaper change, the drool ruining your clothes, etc.

But why didn't anybody tell me about these nasty things?

Baby acne
Leah was born with perfect porcelain-ish skin (I'd like to think), but at Day 7 her eyes became swollen and white/yellow-ish spots started to appear around them. I intially thought she had eye infections or blocked tear ducts but remembered she had cried tears before. A phone call to the Maternal & Child Healthcare Nurse says they are all very 'normal'. More spots later developed all over her face. A Google search confirms that it is baby acne.

Bad.

Worse.

Apparently I am passing my hormones to her through my breastmilk and the hormones are causing the acne, even though I don't have any. Week 4 and it looks like the acne is clearing up. All 'normal' apparently.

Do: Wipe her face gently with water.
Don't: Be tempted to squeeze those spots!

Pretend periods
Babies are supposed to release urates(?) the first 3 days of their lives. This means their wee would be red/pink-ish during these times. If it lasts more than 3 days, it isn't normal. So imagine how worried I was when Leah was still bleeding well into her 5th day. Midwife Louise says this is "pretend period" and female babies sometimes have this.

Apparently I am passing my hormones to her and the hormones are causing the "period", even though I am not menstruating. Still very 'normal'.

Do: Let your doctor know if it lasts more than a week.
Don't: Make your baby wear tampons.
Posseting / reflux
Some babies spit up a bit of milk right after feeding. My baby spits up a lot of milk after feeding. In between feeding. While feeding. Her clothes (all 6 that fits her now) get drenched within hours of changing her. What started up with just a little of milk residue now comes out in an alarming amount. We visited our GP (not the bodoh Dr, yeay!) this morning and she even possets there, but apparently it is all very 'normal'. What is alarming to me is 'nothing to worry about' to them.

Do: Have wash/muslin cloths ready always.
Don't: Use the same cloth to treat the acne.

Colic
Leah goes through periods of non-stop crying sometimes, even after feeding, burping, changing and swaddling her. This, if happens to one who has no support, can make one go crazy. I can be one of this one eventhough I have the support. After some research, we reckon that Leah could have colic, which is crying for more than 3hours a day for no apparent reason. But a visit to the MCHN says researches now think colic doesn't even exist. Then how do you explain my baby's excessive crying? It does not sound like a normal cry. She screams bloody murder, her face gets red and she strenghtens her body. I'm sure Malcolm from next door pretty much hates us by now. Obviously this is all quite 'normal' though.

Do: Take some time out to calm yourself.
Don't: Go crazy.

Cradle Cap
Leah gets something that looks like dandruff. Maybe because we have not shaved her birth hair. It is all 'normal' of course.

Do: Shave her hair on the 7th day.
Don't: Use your own shampoo to clean her hair.

*

I know these things are apparently 'normal' but what is normal about trying to not go insane? I have had enough of everyone dismissing our worries. We are first-time parents, nothing is normal! Yes I am talking to you, all the doctors, midwives and nurses we've seen so far! Fair enough that you only see her for, like, 15minutes, and that is when she decides to be an angel, but can't you just take our word for it?

I totally understand the post-natal depression now. I totally get mothers hurting their newborns. Brooke Shields and Gwyneth Paltrow, I feel you!

*

Today Leah is 4 weeks old and she is going on her first plane ride. All the way to mommy's hometown. 8-hour flight with a baby who has colic and reflux problem? Good luck mommy!

MH128 anyone? I would like to apologise in advance if my Leah experiences one of her crying bouts! It's all normal though!

Spot the not!

and here comes baby... part 2

2010-07-20T22:51:00.001+10:00

DumDumDum...(This is probably even longer!)

Tuesday, June 29th (40w+4d)
9am; Doctor's appointment at The Women's. This is totally a different experience from before, I barely had the seat warm and AY was still parking the car when Dr Fiona called me in. She nicely introduced herself to me and again to AY when he came in. She was thorough, fast and efficient. Because I complained of decreased fetal movement (again-because I did the last time I saw Midwife Cecile, had Cardiotocography, heartbeat was normal, stopped there because was not overdue), she sent me to Pregnancy Daycare Centre.
9.09am; Had CTG monitoring which again showed normal fetal heartbeat but because I was now overdue, they did an ultrasound to check my Amniotic Fluid Index. What was supposed to be in between 20-25cm to be considered normal, my AFI was only 2.5cm!
10.33am; Went back to see Dr Fiona with the results and she insisted we have JB induced within the next 24 hours or we would put the baby at risk as she is not getting enough nutrients from neither the cord nor the placenta.
11.45am; Finally had my mani/pedi and wax at my usual place. Bought some groceries for home. Also kain putih for the placenta burial.
12.27pm; Head back home, finalise hospital bag.
2.08pm; Lunch at home.
2.55pm; AY and Mama accompanied me to be admitted to Royal Women's Hospital, Level 4 East Bed 6. (Ecstatic that I got a single room!) Induction scheduled at 30/06/2010 at 8am. Erk!

Si Gemok

4.07pm; CTG with Midwife Claire.
6.20pm; Kakak Isha and parents datang visit.
6.48pm; Dinner - Vegetarian Sandwich @ Rabbit Food finished by Kakak Isha & AY.

7.11pm; CTG again with Claire.
8.30pm; Visiting hours over. All alone. Shower, shave and did all those unexciting things I did not realise I would miss a mere 24hours later.
9.05pm; Lights out. Knocked out for the night, did not realise AY's text.
10.15pm; Midwife Judy checks in, rejected her offer of earplugs. I said I needed to get use to the sound of crying babies, anyway.
10.20pm; Starving like crazy.
10.24pm; AY called, cried because I was starving like crazy and everyone else had Nasi Lemak :( Had Picnic Almond Chocolate Bar instead. Couldn't sleep, was suddenly thinking about how I am not entirely ready to have JB out as I haven't gotten enough sleep!
11.17pm; Started feeling what I assume was contractions.

Wednesday, June 30th (40w+5d)
1.15am; Can't sit still, numerous trips to the toilets. Pretty sure it was contractions. Paged Judy to have my heatpack warmed up.
1.44am; Judy gave me two Panadeine Forte to 'help' with the pain.
2.47am; Panadeine Forte was no help. Judy asked to summon AY. Moved to Birth Suite Bed 20
3.02am; CTG with Midwife Annalisa.
3.31am; AY and Mama arrived.
4.06 am; Start of strong contractions.

Not funny okay!

5.33am; Internal check-up with Dr Fiona (a different one). 5cm dilated but no signs of waters. Started bleeding instead. And having hot flushes. And throwing up. Changed to hospital gown.
6.27am; Strong back pains. Requested for Water Sterile Injection. Advised that it was going to sting like crazy. I thought it couldn't be as bad as the contractions. I was right, it was worse. I had four shots. But at least it lasted for 10 seconds and then bam! the back pain is gone. Contractions still there. Damn.
6.43am; Midwife Louise finally arrives. Had to house sit apparently. All the way in Heidelberg apparently. They only paged her at 5.30am apparently. WHYYYYY???
6.56am; Student Midwife Asha from Somalia arrives. Not from Somalia.
6.59am; Really strong contractions. JB starts crowning. WHAT? Starts pushing, then asked to stop. WHATTT? I thought it was a bad Bowel Movement. But thank God there were no poo.
7.14am; It's baby Leah Azahra instead! They immediately put this slimy, puffy lump of flesh on my chest. But it was the most beautiful slimy and puffy lump of flesh I have ever seen. Alhamdulillah I am finally a mother.

Everything after that was a blur. Until they brought in Dr Ganas! I didn't have any major tears but some lacerations on the labia wall and clitoris (yikes, no more sex!) that needed some stitches. This is the part where I cried like crazy. I would like to think that I was probably just overwhelmed with this whole life-changing experience and the fact that Leah was crying on my chest. But Ohmygod, the stitchings hurt more than the labour!

The doctor (really don't remember her name, possibly on purpose) was probably in a bad mood and took it out on my vagina. I had general anaesthetics but still felt the thread going through! *cringe much?* I had the laughing gas, but cried instead. Louise was baffled at how I can managed the labour naturally but not the stitching. I remember saying to AY that I felt that I have died and was overseeing everything from above. I felt like I was screaming and letting everybody know that I am hurting but nobody hears me. Think the movie Awake. Seriously. Grrr.

I blame the doctor. But was it worth it to see all these smiley faces? HELL YES!

TokMa with her second granddaughter.

Two in two years!

Kakak Isha kissing adik Leah.

Thank you my little Cancer for making me a mother.

And my Cancer-Man for sharing her with me.

11.56am; After taking what would be my only bath in fifteen days, we moved to Level 4 South Bed 53 (Happy that I got a single room again!). AY left his two girls with my mom to go home, have a shower and fetch some stuff.
12.47pm; Baby Leah's first visitors!
2.06pm; Our first proper sleep (that is more than 2 hours!) before more visitors came to welcome Leah into the world.
8.30pm; Visiting hours over, but I am not alone now. It's me and my baby girl.
11.07pm; Midwife Judy came for a visit from the East. How sweet!

Baby Leah did her first poo just about an hour short of her first day on earth. Which means, Mommy did her first nappy change! The poo was just as black and sticky as it should be, but the change wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

Thursday, July 1 (Day 1)
We went through all the routine checks, her second Apgar, hearing test, weight, length, first bath and all those formalities the hospital usually do to a newborn. Leah was given the all-clear by 2pm and we left the hospital that night.

Friday, July 2 (Day 2)
AY went to work. Mama, Abang, Kaksu and Isha went shopping. So I was left alone with Leah. There are no buzzer to well, buzz if I needed any help. There were no midwives popping their heads in to check-in on us. There were no Indian ladies bringing me lunch or refilling my jug of ice water.

So yes, I got a little emotional. But I still had time to arrange for a cake to surprise AY for his birthday later at midnight. And I could still crack a smile for the visitors who came to the house that night. And because we had nothing to serve them, we decided to do the cake-cutting earlier than planned.

Our first semi-family photo.

And as a birthday present, Leah attempted to sleep in her cot...

...for about 5 minutes!

So that is my one-week diary, Friday to Friday. And whoa what a week it was. I know this entry is not perfect and no matter how much I edit it, it could never be perfect. It probably has a little too much detail, but I would like to be able to read it back in five years time and know what happened at exactly when, who helped and who didn't (Dr Ganas!). So before I make this any longer than it already is, I better stop.

And before Leah wakes up, I better go have some me-time.

and here comes baby... part 1

2010-07-18T16:32:00.003+10:00

Diary of a ~~slightly mad~~ mother-to-be (my version!) Brace yourself, it's going to be a long one (so I've decided to break it into two parts - a la Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, only this is more magical!)!

Friday, June 25th (40w)
8am; Kakak Isha and her parents arrive in Melbourne. It was a wet and cold day, the visitors are tired (from lugging all those luggages up the stairs), we all stayed at home while AY goes to work after picking them up at Tullamarine Airport with Mama.

Sorry my DSLR skills are bad ~~in the morning!~~

8pm; Because we already had the carseat installed (for Kakak Isha anyways), me and Mama caught the (Free!) City Circle Tram to Narim's apartment in Docklands and met the others who came with AY for her ~~usual~~ pasta dinner.

Muka anxious baby tak keluar lagi!

Saturday, June 26th (40w+1d)

Isha had the vacuum duty in the morning.

12pm-ish; As an initiative to bring on labour, everybody walked with me (in the rain) from our home in Southbank to the NGV to catch the (Free!) Tourist Shuttle Bus.

We stopped in the City, walked again to Bourke Street and they did some shopping, while I had my last Bubble Tea for the next few months. (Okay, seriously, try the Yoghurt Lover, I know it has no tea what-so-ever in it, but YUM!)
6pm-ish; Last Hainanese Chicken Rice at Kopitiam (for the next few months lah!)

Sunday, June 27th (40w+2d)
11am-ish; Off to Victoria Market, where I, of course, indulged, and had my ~~last~~ corn on the cob, jam doughnuts and ice coffee! We walked some more, to encourage labour la konon, and headed home around 5pm.

Spot the husband lining up for the doughnuts (for 8minutes)!

Monday, June 28th (40w+3d)
11am-ish; We walked again from home to Flinders St to catch the City Circle and head to Harbourtown where I could not squeeze in a mani/pedi session so I ended up walking around alone because I lost the others.
6pm; Met AY at Melbourne Central and yes, we walked ALL THE WAY from La Trobe St to Southbank, only stopping at Flinders Lane to buy Kebab takeaway because nobody wanted to have kitchen duty that night. In hindsight, I really can't believe we walked that far! I'm sorry everyone else had to walk with me, especially Abang who had to carry Isha on his BabyBjorn carrier all the way, and Mama, who is, well, double our age.

Isha in her favourite seat.

Put her in a carseat and she'll scream bloody murder!

*Long walks, spicy food, sex, nipple stimulation, up and down the stairs, you name it, we've done it all to try bring on labour. JB is still too comfy in the belly!

waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

2010-07-07T20:53:00.000+10:00

Why are there lice in my bread?

And whose finger is in my drink?

Hmmm, confinement food are so... YUM!

*

Today baby Leah is 1-week old. We initially wanted to do the whole cukur rambut and tahnik today but decided we would do it in KL where we could get more guidance and do it with more family members around. Plus, she's a bit too small and fragile. Eek!

*I know the banner is a little bit outdated now, but give me a break~~, because Leah wouldn't~~.

a JB after all!

2010-07-02T15:36:00.002+10:00

After 40 weeks and 5 days of pregnancy and 8 hours of labour, she's finally here.

This is our Leah Azahra, born 30/06/2010 @0714
Royal Women's Hospital.

Assalamualaikum all!

mr insensitive

2010-06-27T18:16:00.003+10:00

We went for a long walk yesterday, in the rain. And yes, JB still decides to stay in. We are only two days overdue but I am starting to feel the pressure. Everybody keeps on asking the same thing.

I woke up crying this morning because even after the long walk, I don't really feel any significant contractions. I don't really care when people think I have been lazy throughout the pregnancy, because I know I haven't ~~most of the time~~. But what gives you the right to assume that JB is a lazy baby.

She's not even out yet and you, 47 years old and not even a father, reckons that you know how my baby is going to be like? SCREW YOU!

40 weeks and still no baby!

2010-06-25T06:26:00.004+10:00

We've had this on our wall near the cot for ages, kind of like an easy reference to see which one of us JB will look like. Also the start of our little family tree.

Baba?

Or Mommy?

But today at 40 weeks, I guess it would still be anyone's guess!

I want to see how much you've grown in the past 20weeks sayang! Baba pun dah tak sabar tu. Today seems like a good day to see the world!

But fine, if you are not ready, we will ~~try and~~ be patient.

But your bed is ready and waiting!

karma is a bitch hey?

2010-06-23T13:37:00.002+10:00

This is why we don't cheat kids.

Padan muka!

Bye bye Francine.
This is what you get when you cheat against Shay Given.

JB Update:
Still no baby! Will have my last check up with Midwife C today before she goes on leave. But I am starting to have headaches and back pains.

the waiting game

2010-06-22T16:46:00.004+10:00

Okay, I know my EDD is this Friday, but why do I feel like JB should be out already? Tunggu Tok Ma, dia dah sampai. Are you waiting for your cousin now?

Okay babe, I'll let you wait until Friday when Kakak Isha arrives okay? But please move as much as you can because I haven't felt much movements from you lately except for the occasional hiccups. Dah sempit is it? I want to hear your heartbeat loud and strong tomorrow when we go for our last check up with Midwife C okay? Dia dah nak balik Korea dah pun.

Please do not make me worry!

Look how high JB is!

Again, excuse the bonbon (Week 39/40)

it's okay babe, take your time

2010-06-17T09:29:00.003+10:00

Eek!

My first EDD (16/06) has come and gone. So far there are still no contractions, no broken waters, no major signs of labour, no baby. JB is eating lots and I can't keep up with being hungry all the time.

*

We've been sleeping in the living room since Sunday night, (yes, we bought an airbed, it was on sale, check it out at Anaconda yo!) trying to catch most World Cup games. So far, the keepers' antics have been keeping us entertained. Other than that, I've seen more actions with our late pet rabbits than on the South African football fields.

Aussie was a huge disappointment, Spain delivered the biggest upset so far, and there aren't as many funny names as the last World Cup, except for Jabulani. And Vuvuzela.

*

Ooh, random update! AY was washing the car on Monday and discovered the passenger's door handle not attached securely. It's been about three weeks since it happened and I never realised the handle was not how it was supposed to be. So was it another break-in? Or am I just not as observant as I used to be? Is it my pregnancy brain, the CRC (Can't Remember Crap) syndrome*?

But AY has opened the door for me many times and has not noticed it either. Is it his Dad-to-be-itis (it exists!)? Hmm, so the plot thickens! (I'm talking about this drama). If it is a brand new break-in, padan muka lah because there isn't anything valuable in there anymore. Too late mate!

JB Update:
Now we're looking at 25/06 as our main EDD. And if JB decides to still wait, my initial plan is to have an induction on July 3rd, pending agreement from the husband and the hospital. Hopefully they don't mind working on a Saturday!

Maybe JB's waiting for the mani/pedi session Baba promised Mommy?

*Yes, blame it all on being pregnant!

all my bags are packed, but i'm not quite ready to go...

2010-06-13T03:33:00.002+10:00

...or rather, JB's not.

Hmm, maybe it is me. But JB is still quite high. Everyday I look at myself in the mirror, my tummy still looks quite 'high'. My mom is even expecting JB to come out way beyond the revised due date*.

I guess we'll see.

*

Today was quite a productive day as we, well, mostly AY, cleaned the bedrooms and made some rearrangements to make it more JB-friendly. Or basically, mommy-feeding-JB-in-the-middle-of-the-night-friendly. Tomorrow it's the car and the living room!

It's 3.38am now and I am still up, as usual, but this time just waiting for the England v USA game. I think I am sort-of getting used to the crazy vuvuzela (which I Googled as zuzulegwa the first time LOL).

I hope Australia gets to host the 2018/2022 World Cup and give away some didgeridoos for free and see how they like it. Oummmmm! Hah rasakan!

*Or maybe she just wants us to be able to do stuff when she first arrives, instead of immediately confined to the home playing grandma.

new dslr enthusiast

2010-06-11T14:17:00.002+10:00

I said I would write about why some of my photos are now crystal clear, as opposed to my usual grainy 3.2 megapixel phone camera photos (hey, it's a phone, what do you expect?).

Well, here is the reason.

Because we are expecting JB any day now if everything goes well, I will most probably be in confinement when AY celebrates his birthday in July. He has been wanting a digital SLR camera for ages and I thought we would need a good camera to capture *the* moment anyway, why don't get one now.

I did not get him the whole thing, well, I haven't been working, how can I afford it? So, me and JB (yes, JB chipped in some money too) only paid for the deposit. I really wish it could have been more. He had to wait about 10 days to June 1st to actually get the camera, but I'm guessing the wait was worth it when he was all giddy and happy the night he went to get the camera. *He practically ignored me, LOL*

Si jakun, kesian dia.

Did not even want to change from his work clothes!

And because I am also dreading the confinement period where I will probably just eat clear soup (blergh), I cooked a 'birthday meal' for AY the night before to start the celebration.

Of all the lamb shank, mashed potatoes and steamed veges, I liked the impromptu garlic bread the best. It's been a while since I cooked something western because I/JB have been craving lots of Melayu and Asian food throughout the pregnancy.

Not too mention junk food and instant noodles! Haih.

Anyways, happy early birthday yayang. We'll definitely celebrate again on your real birthday with Baby L, insya-Allah!

*

Yesterday we had some work done to the apartment. The March storm damaged our handrail and there were some watermark in two of the three bedrooms' ceiling. All they did was replace the handrail and scraped the bubbles and then obviously repaint the ceiling.

The room upstairs has one king bed and our bedroom has a queen but we ended up sleeping in the only room that was not affected by the storm, i.e, no paint fumes which only has a single bed!

I don't know if it was the mattress that felt different, the proximity of me and AY or just plain tiredness, but I did not even get up to go to the toilet, not even once! How funny was that?

hospital emergency trip #2

2010-06-10T09:47:00.005+10:00

Oh hi, hello, good morning*! It's been 10 days *Missy Higgins* since my last confession.

*

The night of the hospital ordeal with the weird doctor, I slept as usual, waking up every hour to go to the toilet. But this time, it was accompanied by the room spinning and nausea and such discomfort that I ended up praying to the porcelain god. Three times. In one night. Bad.

Every time I put my head down, the room spins. Every time I change position, the room moves. It was like being on a boat on a rough day. Affected AY's sleep too. Poor guy had to work the next day. I ended up sleeping on the couch sitting down close to 6am. Bad. Real bad.

I ended up sleeping the whole day because if I moved my head the world shakes its head to say no. It was the same on Wednesday but this time I only threw up twice. And once on Thursday. All in the middle of the night or very early in the morning.

AY cooked porridge on Wednesday and worked from home on Thursday. I also talked to my midwife early that morning, and we decided to rest it out and see how I feel in the next 24 hours because I had an inkling that it wasn't pregnancy related and I still feel JB moving as usual.

I then diagnosed myself with either an inner ear infection or BPPV (Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo), especially as I feel the room spins even when I hugged AY goodbye (because he is a good, like, 25cm taller than me!) and my inner left ear hurts at random times (which I initially thought was a toothache). But because by Saturday I could not stand the discomfort anymore and my parents kept on asking how I was, I decided to get assessed at the emergency department.

It took just more than half an hour to get antibiotics for my, yes, inner ear infection (but on the right side, and no, we don't know why it hurts on the left instead). Today, a good five days from when I started taking the medication, nothing has improved. In fact, I feel that my left ear hurts even more! I really hope it goes away before I go into labour as I don't think I want to be dealing with pains from both my upper and lower body. YIKES!

And with my low iron count, these are the medicines that I have to take everyday.

The green is the antibiotic and boy is it nasty!

Busuk gila okay!
(And how grainy is this photo?)

I did not write about the hospital emergency trip #1, did I? That's because it was due to post-coital bleeding. Nobody wants to talk about that. It's embarrassing**. LOL!

*

And oiyh, I have had my aunts and uncles and a few ex-tutors on my Facebook friends list, but now I have my father-in-law on there too! So no more random dummy spits!

*

JB Update:
Depending on which due date we're following, I would either be in my 37th or 39th week of pregnancy. Either way, my routine check-up with midwife C yesterday concluded that JB's head is still very high in my uterus, or tummy, or something. Which is where it is not supposed to be. She said she expected the head would be lower and ready to descend into the world.

Apparently it could be due to the cord tying around JB's neck, preventing the head to fall naturally or that JB's head was too big and would not fit through my pelvic bone.
DOUBLE YIKES!

AY said not too worry, but how could I not if even C said be prepared for a long labour or even a Caesarian. I don't mind the long labour, if I have to, but Caesarian? Oiyh!

Anyways, maybe it serves me right because I kept on telling JB not to come out yet, I wanted to initially wait for AY's birthday but now I can't wait!
(Maybe just till TokMa arrives kay sayang?)

But at least now I get to sit like a man! Thighs apart, chest forward. Ho-yeah!

*

Meanwhile, the last load of JB's laundry have been washed and hung to dry, weather permitting. It took forever to hang all those tiny socks but they are oh-so-cute!

Wow, look how crystal clear this photo is!

Will explain why in another entry.

But here is a sneak preview!

Oh and whoa, what is that?

Please excuse the bonbon. Pic was taken 21/05/10 (Week 35/36)

*Yes, it's 9.47am, which is my bedtime normally - but we've got people repairing the storm damage last March.
**I really don't know why because the whole reason we're having JB is because of the said coitus anyways. Hahaha. But imagine going to the hospital and having to talk about it to strangers. AY stayed in the car and did not even want to show his face. Poyo! Saje biar I malu sorang-sorang!

relationship boundaries

2010-06-01T17:03:00.003+10:00

Husbands and wives should have nothing to hide from each other right?
Wrong.

There should be no boundaries between two people who have committed their lives to each other right?
Wrong.

There are no limits to the things that you should be able to do for the one you love right?
Wrong.

In other words, I'd rather do this myself.

Hopefully the test comes back negative.

*

We had our 36-week check up with a doctor this morning. I thought it would be a big deal because we only see a doctor twice during the whole pregnancy (the first time at 16-18 weeks and the next at 36 weeks, if you are in the 'low-risk' category) that I asked AY to come along.

My appointment was at 9.30am, we left the house at 8.35am and registered by 9.00am. We got to see the doctor at 10.05 and he finished checking 'everything' by 10.11am (even after he took a 2-minute call - did not even have the cheek to apologise!)

First of all, he did not introduce himself. He did not acknowledge us as first-time parents. He barely spoke two words. He marked my tummy with a pen! He stuck my arm between his arm and body! No other doctors/midwives have done those things the way he did! Weirdo!

We waited more than an hour to deal with that? Erghhhhh! Not funny okay?!

facebook etiquette

2010-05-31T15:43:00.005+10:00

OMG SHUT UP!

Why am I getting this person's tweets when I don't even have a Twitter account. Can you actually link your Twitter to Facebook? Is it to torment people like me?

The things that she (yes, it's a she) talks about, haih, dia ingat dia reporter ke. Most times she does not even have her facts right. I mean, where is the harm in a 2-second Google to check your facts before publishing your status?

I have already deleted one 'friend' who did the same thing. Traffic report every 2 seconds. Football live feed like she's the only one who has a tv and watching the match. I mean, if she's live at the stadium somewhere in Europe, I get the excitement lah. She (yes, another she) was even worse. Everything was in silly spellings (read: thanks becomes tengs / bye is bai etc) and mixed up languages. And she had the cheek to say that she's annoyed with other people's status updates. Gross.

Okay why am I whining here? Because I won't do it on Facebook!

***edit***

Ni satu lagi.

This one is a guy! Wow. (I'm not on his page tau!)

JB Update:
Less than a month, insya-Allah, to go and I had the worse calf muscle cramp last night. The weekend was engulfed (lol) with muscle fatigue at my ankle and knee joints. Yes, sampai nangis. But cot sheet and stuff has been set up, just waiting for a few final touches. Mobiles and one pillow still needed. Will post photos when all is done.

yesterday...

2010-05-27T20:10:00.001+10:00

...we had our Verve Portraits bump's photoshoot.

We had this session booked during the Pregnancy, Babies & Children Expo at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre last October. I was probably about 4 or 5 weeks pregnant then. So it was quite a long wait.

Our photographer was Donna and I applaud her for making the session quite comfortable and fun. I mean, I was comfortable enough to strip! LOL. Okay, maybe I sort of felt forced or coerced to do it, but I did it. I wanted her to get a few shots of the bare bump, but I think I ended up showing more skin than I ever imagined. Stretch marks and all!

We are going to have another session when JB is here with us sometime in August, insya-Allah. I am quite the nervous to see how the shots turn out.

Oh, and I need to take photos of the studio itself. The place is amazing. It felt more like being in a spa retreat rather than a photo studio, with its all-white leather furniture, stripped concrete flooring and aromatherapy candles. And the bathroom! Timber decked floors and facing brick feature wall. Kudos to the ID team!

*

...I was snubbed by a tram.

I was going to the city to drop off my library books before meeting AY at our photoshoot. I was going to enter the tram from the front door when I suddenly saw that it was packed. Two other people got on the middle door, so I immediately went to the middle. As I was about to grab the step handle (or whatever), the doors shut! And off it went! WTH! I was almost squashed!

It was bad enough that I was carrying four really thick books, but I am freaking pregnant! Can't anybody see that? Geez. So far, I have been experiencing bad social etiquette on trams. Nobody gives up their seats anymore. Not for me, not for the elders, never. Sometimes I find myself offering my seat to the oldies.

Seriously. Things that makes me mad. Idiots! I'm starting my own social experiment. I'm going to stick out my belly every time I get on a tram and see what happens. Honestly, so far, only once has a person glanced at my belly and get off their ass. And that was it.

Okay, enough of spitting the dummy!

*

...our car got broken into!

Yikes! We don't know when or where it happened exactly. AY only realised it this morning before going to work. The perpetrator (hah!) took our coins, $20 fuel money and our GPS which was hidden away under cd's and stuffs in the middle glove compartment. So it probably took this person a good five minutes to go through the car.

The funny thing was, the car wasn't really broken into, like, nothing was actually broken. So we are really scratching our heads trying to figure out what had happened.

Did we leave the car unlocked?
AY has always been very careful, but there was a possibility because I remembered we had our hands full coming out of the car, what with the changes of clothes and our dinner and AY's lunch bag and work laptop and stuff.

Did they unpick the lock?
Possibly, but there were no signs of that.

Where did it happen?
Three possibilities. After work, the car was parked in front of the studio at Swan St and then nearer to Church St when we grabbed takeaways. And then, home.

How did it happen?
If it was at home, in the underground garage, where you would need keys to get in, someone, the security person even, might try every single car and see if he can get lucky.
If it was by the roadside, it could have been a chance crime, like they saw the coins and the doors were probably unlocked and said, "Hey, why not?" But AY's work laptop was also in there. Was it a hassle to take that too?

Who would do such a thing?
BASTARDS!

Well, except for the last one, your guess is as good as mine. This is just something we can't do anything about. The only thing this has taught us is to be more cautious in the future. Especially with JB joining us, we surely would have our hands even fuller. We are just really thankful that there were no damages done to the car.

When AY first told me this morning, I honestly thought the car was really broken into, circa what happened here:

But that needs an entire entry by itself!

and the countdown begins...

2010-05-25T19:34:00.003+10:00

My EDD is exactly a month from now (assuming we're following the revised EDD). And yes, I am still stuck in the biggest pot of mixed emotions. Most times I am scared shitless. And sometimes I am extremely excited. But in between those times, I just can't wait to get JB out.

Really, I know I am going to miss seeing random limbs poking out of my belly. I will miss feeling my tummy move and knowing that JB is just adjusting, trying to get comfortable in what would be a very tight space right now. And I will definitely miss seeing my humongous belly and know that I'm not fat, I'm pregnant! Not to mention having excuses to not do or carry some things (hehe, yes Sayang I am enjoying being pampered!).

But I think the list of things I am NOT going to miss will be longer. First on the list would obviously be heartburn and acid reflux. I can't wait to not get up and pee every 20 minutes. Sometimes I go four times in 20 minutes. I go just after I went. I feel the need to pee just as I am peeing. And it gets frustrating.

And not to mention the "morning" sickness. I experience this sporadically throughout the whole pregnancy. Not just the first trimester. And not just the third trimester. But the whole pregnancy! Sometimes I feel totally normal but the next second I need to rush to the toilet throw up. And it's the sort that purges like crazy they usually break my blood vessels so I'd have red spots all over my face. Sakit okay! If it weren't too cold, I would probably just sleep on the toilet.

I won't miss the tummy-itching. Now I have stretch marks circa my belly button.

My kaki started to get really lenguh, firstly at night but now it aches all the time!

Ohmygod I will not miss the discomfort. To fall asleep, to sit on the sofa, to lay down, to climb in the car. To do everything! Rolling around trying to get comfortable is very uncomfortable! I am even hurting now that I have been sitting for too long.

Okay, off to do some pelvic floor exercises!

dream on

2010-05-22T08:31:00.003+10:00

It's Saturday. It's 8.26am. AY is snoring softly. I should be snoring softly too.

But I am having Ibumie*.

Alone.

Whyyyy?

*That's right, not Indomie. IBUmie. Impulse purchase after tasting the sample at Costco yesterday. Now we have 8 packets of it.

Oh, and it's product of Malaysia. ;)

if this is what makes a wife, then i fail miserably

2010-05-20T15:19:00.001+10:00

How do you keep being a wife?
Oh, you know, making the house nice, ironing the clothes, doing all the things you do to keep up appearances.
That's what being a wife is to you?
Partly.
But isn't being a wife, by definition, all about the relationship? I mean, you're only a wife if you have a husband, and vice versa.
Of course, but there are certain duties and responsibilities that comes with the relationship. Sure, to love, honour, in sickness, in health, and all the rest. I don't recall "to have the shirts ironed and dinner on the table" in the vows.

*

Let me explain the whole golf thing to you. It's men using long sticks to hit a ball into a hole. The aim is to get through as many holes in as few shots as possible.
So?
Come on, Sam! They "play a round", they carry score cards with them! The game simply reeks of sexual conquest.

Book excerpt 2;
Wife for Hire
Dianne Blacklock

*Now I get the whole Tiger Woods saga!

birthdays and weddings i'm missing :(

2010-05-18T15:32:00.007+10:00

My niece Shaisha turned 1 on Saturday and all I could do from 4000 miles away is to arrange for some cupcakes to be delivered for her first birthday party,

and this video!

It was also Melissa's wedding in Singapore on the same day. She was one of my closest friends during our uni days and we have been keeping in touch ever since, albeit not as soon as we should!

She came to my reception in KL and I promised to make it to hers but because of the circumstances,i.e, my protruding belly, all I could do is just send her and her newly-wedded husband a bunch of flowers.

Yeay, I stole this from Facebook!

But come to think of it, if I were able to fly, I would have needed to make a decision between the wedding and the birthday party! So it's safe to say that JB is saving me from a huge guilty conscience!

*

And no, I have not finished packing my hospital bag. But I have started!

Here's the proof.

Still two more loads of baby clothes and cot sheet sets to go.

The weather have not been helping!

JB Update:
I was on the computer while Ellen was on TV with Justin Bieber.
And I swear JB was dancing to his 'Baby, baby, baby oooohh'
LOL. JB likes JB ke? Haiyooo

childcare harbour xt cot

2010-05-14T13:19:00.009+10:00

Yeay, we finally got JB's cot ready. We got it at a bargain (about 50% off). I read different reviews about it but we are sort of on a tight budget and I have always dreamed off a cot with white wooden panel and the cot fits the description perfectly (Alah, but most cots are like that right? Except for the Ikea ones). Rarely has my dream ever come true.

Now it is pretty much positioned where it needs to be. We originally wanted to use the extra room as a nursery but we thought it is better for JB to be with us in the first few months. Especially because I am planning to breastfeed as much as I can. (hey, that's 3000 calories okay!)

Cot is now just waiting to be fitted and decorated with the bedsheets me and TokMa bought at Baby Bunting in March and mobile to be hung and ultimately, waiting for the occupant to well, occupy! *nervous but can't wait*

It's been like this for almost three weeks!

It's fairly easy to assemble. AY did it all by himself!

And it only took less than an hour from the opening of the box
to the cot being fully assembled.

And what was I doing all this time? *tsk tsk*

Okay, tipu je, I helped!

Now on to the buckloads (four, as of right now) of baby clothes and cot bedsheets to pre-wash before JB pops out!

Also, I was meant to pack the hospital bag like two weeks ago, will do it by Sunday!

JB update:
JB is growing really big and getting uncomfortable in there,
I'm pretty sure *kesian dia*
But I still like to see the limbs moving and sometimes I feel what could be the tiny arm or leg protruding out.
*errrghh so excited, but don't come out yet!*

happy mother's day

2010-05-11T18:41:00.010+10:00

I am not yet a mother.

Although sometimes I feel like I became a mother the day I became a wife.

Although I call myself mommy when I talk to JB.

Although at the times these pictures are taken, I wished that I was.

I *think* this is Iwan, but I could be wrong. LOL

Baby Harith, being nice.

Baby Harith, being, hmm, a baby.

Serious tak ingat ni anak siapa, but I think his name is Ryan.

Baby Patrick, who's now a very cheeky boy!

Baby Shaisha tengah demam, or something.

Baby Azimi.

Insya-Allah, the day when I get to have the honour of calling myself a mother is inching closer and closer. I can't wait but I am also extremely nervous. It just dawned on me that my life will forever change in an instant. The most type of mixed emotions and feelings all stirred up into one huge pot.

I can only hope and pray that I am a better mother than I am a wife / daughter / sister or friend.

I can only hope and pray that I am a better mother than I am a person.

*

In the meantime,
Happy Mother's Day to the only one I have ever known.

pregnancy; booksmart is nothing!

2010-05-07T16:04:00.000+10:00

All the pregnancy books in the world would not prepare me for how painful and annoying heartburn is.

And all the pregnancy websites in the world would not tell me how nasty Mylanta tastes like.

it's finally here!

2010-05-03T18:26:00.000+10:00

Everyone (read: my mom) have been complaining about how gross my wallet is. It was a Mimco and I bought it with my very first paycheck more than three years ago. So obviously there is a certain sentimentality about it. It is one of those tri-folded ones and have enough compartments to satisfy my wallet compartmental needs.

The thing is, it's leather and it's white. So you can imagine how dirty and disgusting it can get. The worst thing is, the inner leather looks nice and clean and the outer looks, well, gross and disgusting. If you have seen it, you would get what I mean.

And everyone (read: my husband) have always wanted to buy me a new one for my birthday. But I am quite particular about wallets. It has to be a certain thickness, width, have enough card slots to satisfy my earlier stated 'needs' etc.

After a two-month nonchalant search, we finally found a one. It wasn't perfect but it was close. And they didn't have it in the material that I like. So I thought I'd check out the website and get it online.

But they called me the day after saying all Melbourne stores have sold out of the one I want, trying to get one from Sydney, only it will take a while. I waited a week until they called and say Sydney sent them a wrong one and now they are really sold out.

So I settled for the first one I saw in the stores and it finally came today.

I was surprised by the proper packaging it came in. They apologised on the card and promised to refund the postage amount. So although it was a long wait (my birthday was in November okay?*), it was pleasant and well worth it.

Thank you yayang, I love it and I love you!

*But your birthday was in July and you only got your present in March, so we're even k?

90s boybands woohoo

2010-05-01T23:31:00.002+10:00

Yes, this was what we did tonight. Birmingham v Burnley on TV is on mute and JB had to bear with me and AY belting out 90s songs.

It started with me randomly thinking about V Beckham's Out of Your Mind single ages ago, YouTubed it and moved on to random 90s bands like 911, 5ive, S Club 7, 3T, Spice Girls, Damage etc.

Naturally, we progressed to the better songs of KRU, Feminin, Gersang, Exist, Elite and whatnots. It's fun, try it once in a while :)

Now on to Man City v Aston Villa. Let's climb the board City!

Oh, and it is Saturday night. We are losers I know.

Peace out.

long-distance pro

2010-04-29T16:38:00.000+10:00

My ticket from Melbourne to Kuala Lumpur is exactly three months from today. In normal circumstances I would be happy and excited, looking forward for it, even.

But not so much this time. Because this time is different. The plan is for me and JB to go with my mom and AY will leave later. MUCH later. 41 days later to be exact.

Yes we have done this long-distance bit before. For almost two years, we were lovers across the ocean. Then there were the two months of being husband&wife in different continents. So, it is nothing new right? Wrong.

This time JB will be in the equation. I cry just thinking about my two babies (ye kasi chan la gedik sikit) not being able to bond for about six weeks. I am sad just thinking about AY having to stay alone and prepare his own sahur and buka. I am scared just to think about the nights I have to handle JB alone.

What if I can't do it myself? AY have been my pillar of strength. Even my ability to open a jar disappeared as soon as I married him. He hasn't allowed me to carry groceries and even lift the laundry basket. I have had it so easy this past few months. Too easy, maybe.

Maybe it will be good for my independence. Like they say, ada hikmah behind everything. I need to get my ass up more anyways. So, that will definitely be one of the ways to do it. Not having your husband do everything for you!

I can't wait for JB, but I don't want July 29th to come so soon.

This sort of thing make you realise how much you love your husband. Sayang, you are going to get an early birthday present this year :)

*

My heartburn is getting really annoying especially at night. We had our check up yesterday and the midwife, Cecile said that JB is growing nicely. The heart rate is 'perfect' and the fundal height is corresponding nicely with the stage that I am at.

The person who waxed my eyebrow on Saturday 24th became the first person to officially ask if I was having a baby. So I guess it took more than 31 weeks for JB to be apparent.

*

One of AY's colleagues' wife at his Boss's ANZAC Day BBQ is very convinced that JB is a boy. Apparently because I am glowing and she said a girl would suck the beauty out of the mother. I've read that a girl would make every part of your body bigger.

But it's the other way round for Malays. They say a boy would make you look unkempt. My family thought I am having a boy because I always look messy on Skype. Geez, thanx guys.

Anyways, I guess they have less than two months to find out!

JB Update:
Cot is ready and waiting to be assembled!

gone too soon

2010-04-22T20:35:00.000+10:00

I have been wanting to write about her for a long, long time. But every time I try, I can't find the right words to even start.

Arwah Sara and I met for the first time, albeit very briefly, in London. A few days later she added me on Friendster (when it was still cool) with a message saying she's going to Melbourne to do the exact same course I did years earlier and asked for some guidance.

In Melbourne I accompanied her for the initial enrollment and we often talked online about architecture and her assignments and stuff. After a while, we just kept in touch in Facebook, often joking that we Saras should unite and take over the world. Little did I know this girl will become one of my biggest inspirations.

I often said to her, 'With architecture, you have to have the passion and patience, and everything will be alright'. But she knew better. Sara did not just apply that to architecture, but also her life. Her passion for everything that she did is admirable and almost unattainable by us 'mere humans'.

Google Sara Aziz and you will find her artsy blogspot, Xanga journal, Flikr, etc. Numerous tributes to her won't even justify how big an impact she had on others, me included.

She has been gone for more than a year but the memories still remain, her image still lingers in the mind of the people lucky enough to have met and known her, her Facebook page is still alive and buzzing, becoming a personal shrine to the person everybody loved so much that God had to take her away and make her into what she truly is,

an angel.

Sara Aziz (22.04.1998-19.10.2008)

You would have been 22 today, but God has other plans.

Rest in peace dear sweet angel.
Thank you for the inspiration.

*

For the first time in my entire pregnancy, someone actually gave up a seat on the tram after seeing at my bump. She did not say or gesture anything to me, and I did not accept the seat (because it was facing the other way and I get motion sickness) but hey, it took you long enough!

JB you're getting big! :D

cookieshake & coffee bean makes me go cuckoo

2010-04-19T15:57:00.001+10:00

Yes, twas a weekend of indulgence.

We had our date night on Friday. I finally convinced the husband to have dinner at Chinatown's Supper Inn. I haven't been to this place since 2006 and I have been talking about their flounder to him even before we got married (exaggerate much?).

We went there around 7pm, thinking we could avoid the queue they usually have for Friday night diners. But after a wait of about 15minutes, we got a table and were told to finish dinner by 8.15. LOL dinner with a time limit, at least they did not put a timer on our table.

I read online reviews saying the food and service quality has gone bad in recent times, so I was a bit skeptical and worried AY thought I have been lying. Although the noise level has peaked, the service was fairly quick and the flounder tasted just like how it did the last time I had it about five years ago.

Sorry, lapar gila, dah makan baru ingat nak snap a photo.

The flounder was huge tau!

Don't believe how good it was?

Let this photo convince you.

We obviously thought we overate even though we only had two dishes. The fish and this prawn w veggies dish. But the fish was seriously enough for like, 4 people. We were going to hang out in the city after, so malas nak tapau. Okay now I feel like having this again, jom Sayang!! LOL

*

As much as we ate, I still had my craving for Max Brenner's Cookieshake. For years, I have always just ordered their Strawberry White Chocolate Float (very yummy too!!) but my friend had this the other day and it looked really good. So I tried it a couple of weeks ago and I loved it. So, yes, I had my Cookieshake. Everybody else decided to have Max Brenner that night though. I was waiting in line for almost half an hour with someone really annoying just behind me.

But it was worth it. YUMM

Yeah, I know tak nampak ape. But trust me je lah.
(White chocolate, cookies and caramelised pecans,
what's not to like?)

Okay, ni saja reminisce gambar lama.

May 1st 2008. Hi Ija!
(AY stealing my Strawberry White Chocolate Float)

*

Saturday we checked out the first Mothercare store that just opened in Chadstone. That's one reason. (Anyway, there's a Malaysian Malay Kakak/Auntie who is working there specialising in nursing bra fittings!)

But another reason I insisted to go to Chadstone is because the only Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in Melbourne I know is there. (Please let me know if there's more, Chadstone is kind of far to go just to get a drink! The website does not help!)

This brings back high school memories,
when Coffee Bean was more popular than Starbucks.

I asked for the large, diorg takde lid pulak :(

*

Sunday we cooked Nasi Beriyani and Butter Chicken.
Yes, we, both AY and I. Yes, it was good.

And yes, it was from the Maggi packet. :p

*

I keep on giving myself time limits to indulge, before the baby comes and before I have to confine myself to eating steamed food and air masak only. The initial time limit was Week 30. But now I am in my 30th week, I think it is more appropriate if I change it to Week 33.

But then again, we'll see.

innocent or rasa macam nak tampar?

2010-04-16T14:37:00.003+10:00

Mummy
Yes dear?
Mummy, why is that lady so fat?
The lady's having a baby.
Mummy...is the baby inside her tummy?
Yes
How did it get there? Did she eat it?

Book excerpt 1;
Bumps
Zoe Barnes

circle of life

2010-04-15T16:13:00.000+10:00

Wins and loses, births and deaths. They are all part of the circle of life huh?

*

Sorry it's been a while (in unemployment world). I've been really sick, the can't-get-out-of-bed sick. It has been about two weeks now. But Monday, I couldn't even get up from bed. I convinced myself that it's the crazy Melbourne weather (which I'm loving now). Also, the vitamins that I have been skipping. Hoh.

It gets quite sad when I had to cook my own porridge. I cried when AY got home from work Monday. Suddenly I felt so helpless. LOL. I still have runny nose and the occasional head-banging sensation, without actually banging my head. But, blergh, maybe it's a pregnancy phase?

*

So, anyways, Saturday 10th started really early for us. The soccer (sorry, it's football, mate) matches were out in the middle of nowhere (Keysborough somewhere). I swear, there were even sheep at the side of the field. And apparently there were some unidentified animal faeces there too. (I'm guessing they were the sheep's)

So, to summarize, Hawthorn Orange played four games. Drew the first three and lost the last one. (AY scored one for JB).

Sorry bad photos, the weather was quite gloomy.

Hawthorn in white.
(The ball at the bottom of the pic is a spare one okay? They are not chasing rainbows)

Hawthorn in Orange.

Budak kecik buat drama at the penalty box.

I wish I had photos of the sheep and the lazy referee.

There were two new additions to my dad's side of the family. April 7th welcomed 3.8ish kg (!!) cousin Mohd Halify Husayni b Halim (spelling?) and my cousin (also bridesmaid) gave birth to daughter Keira Alya bt Asrul Ridzwan on April 10th, which happens to be Apit's birthday. So, basically, now two down one more to go. Yes, I am talking about you JB! This family is ever growing.

But thus is circle of life.

My dad's brother-in-law Hj Naimat b Kayat, passed away on April 12th after years of being diabetic. I'm pretty sure he had some other sickness as well, he was on pacemaker too. After a typical dialysis session last month, he fell in the bathroom in the hospital and apparently hit his head somewhere causing a blood clot in the brain. The removal of the clot was successful but the recovery was not. After about a couple of days in sedation, he woke up with his right side paralysed. He was unable to speak and was fed with milk through the nose.

They said the cause of death was pneumonia, because the lung was infected or something? Imagine what a fall can do to you eh?

Same thing happened to my mom's aunt three years back. She suffered from something else, successfully operated on, fell down, died. God is great huh?

*

What an eventful week. And I haven't even left the house!

i sayang you

2010-04-09T22:28:00.000+10:00

It was those three words that saved my life. Three years ago, today. :)

Happy anniversary* (of the first amongst the many i-love-yous) LOL.

*

Meanwhile, it's Easter. Which means, the KUAM's Easter Cup is here. Which means, I have to put my WAG gear on. No, not like these from the Aussie Brownlow Medal, or even the ultimate WAG, Victoria Beckham.

AY surprised me with the team's hoodie tonight. So I will be more of the 'trackie-WAG' than 'glamour-WAG'.

All the best though. GO TEAM!

The games are tomorrow. Wish us luck!

*If you think I'm like super-corny that I remember every anniversary, I am. But it was also the date that I flew back to Malaysia (initially for good) after six years in Melbourne. So it was already a memorable day before he said those three words.

easter long weekend

2010-04-06T12:25:00.016+10:00

Easter does not have to be about chocolates and bunnies right? It can be about strawberries and mazes too.

Pictures speak louder than words right? (great excuse for my writer's block!).

*

Sunny Ridge Strawberry Farm

Spot the Husband!

Our Farmville earnings.

They got turned into ice-cream*!

Strawberry Temptation
(This is YUMMM!)

Strawberry Knikerbocker**

Need I say more?

The Enchanted Maze; Arthurs Seat

The First Maze; Hedge Maze

We found all the five Buddha's we were supposed to, just before I was about to give up.

And with AY's determination, we also found the Japanese Garden!

Spot the jiggly-belly!

Pfft, get a room!

The Tyre Maze - Brain Teaser Challenge

The Maize Maze. Huge and corny, but a-MAIZE-ing!
Sorry syg I was really tired by this time, it was too huge to explore!

It was a long day, but despite being sick, we had a great day.

The strawberries weren't as big and 'out there' as the ones in Perth. April is not the peak time for strawberries anyway. The farm was sooo huge that I got really tired real fast. AY was really nice with the carrying of the handbag and stuff. But the Strawberry Temptation was worth the 2-hour drive from Melbourne.

The mazes were great, but they had too much stuff going on, people should be advise to spend the whole day there. 3-4 hours are not enough. We should have taken it slow. And seriously, we shouldn't have diligently do the Turf Maze (450meter of trail just going round and round so you'll end up at the same spot!)

We were so hungry and tired by the end of it, we only took in like 2 minutes of the view from Arthurs Seat Lookout. I fell asleep in the car and we had dinner by the dock. It was an early celebration of our initial anniversary anyway.

It was by the dock, spot the boats!

Atlantic salmon on potato salad.

Fish and Chips.

We spent the whole Easter Monday recuperating at home and finding ways to finish the 1kg of straberries. I'm getting sicker by the minute. I feel really hot and wearing as little clothes as I can and AY is wearing a jumper. What's wrong with one of us?

*Not the ones that we picked!
**While I was sick, mind you!

boobies galore!

2010-04-01T13:54:00.004+11:00

Did you know that you can use up to 3000 calories when you breastfeed?

Did you know that babies suck on the whole areola, not just the nipple?

Did you know that there are different parts of breast milk, something like a hot drink having the froth, the actual drink and the muddy part at the bottom of the glass?

Did you know that the areola becomes bigger and darker so newborns can see where their food is at?

Did you know that J&J apparently encourages allergies in newborns?

*

Well I didn't. But now I do, because last night we had our Breastfeeding Class at the Royal Women's Hospital.

It was mostly video watching and some question/answer sessions but it was pretty informative.

AY having his coffee break.

Our baby for the night.

She was really good, no complains about my mummy-skills.
(Yes, I know, very gemuk)

By the way, happy April people!

sleeping disorders

2010-03-31T13:10:00.003+11:00

Okay, I am not blaming pregnancy for this, because for as long as I can remember I have always had sleeping problems. Insomnia, narcolepsy, I have it all. And so do people around me!

General Insomnia
First of all, I find it hard to fall asleep. I am jealous of those who can just put their head on the pillow and snore two seconds after. Okay, maybe not the snoring part. But I waste, in average, about 90 minutes each night trying to fall asleep. Yes, that's 630 minutes a week. That's like more than 10 hours! And to think that I could have done something productive in those times! Shit, I shouldn't have calculated!

My Dad's theory is that if you sleep late, you will wake up late and that would make you sleep late the night after. So once you start, the cycle repeats itself. I guess it makes sense, and all I have to do is sleep early one night and I'll be alright, right? Wrong! During my uni days, I've even tried skipping sleep for one night to sleep early the next, only ended up sleeping for like, 17 hours straight!

Second of all, I'm a light sleeper. So someone snoring or alarm blaring or even the wind going through the wind tunnel next to our window will wake me up. And do I have to explain how hard for me to fall back to sleep? No, cause you get it right?

Sleep-talking/Mengigau
Yes, I talk when I sleep. It wasn't a major problem until I started doing it the first night of our honeymoon. Something about giving the makcik's some cake to eat? Apparently I have done it a few times before but this moment was quite defining, because, one, I am now married. And, two, I realised two seconds after I said it that I'm talking in my sleep. Haih. How embarrassing.

Snoring
It's not a huge problem when I do it, because, well, it means that I am asleep. And I don't do it that often anyway. Even if I do, it'll have that sweet short sound instead of that motor-truck sound (honest!) But when other people do it. OMG! Worst culprit I know so far is definitely my mom (I have videos to prove it), which makes it hard for me to sleep with her. But AY's former roommate came pretty close.

Narcolepsy
We were talking about this once in the office. And that night I experienced it first hand. And shit was it scary. It happened more than a year ago, but I remember it clear as day. Symptoms include cataplexy (sudden loss of muscle tone) and yes, I couldn't move a finger. It felt like someone Petrificus Totalus-ed* me.

You also get hallucinations, usually frightening, which might make you think it's just a nightmare. Mine was an airy hantu like a Dementor* but had a face and long hair and it was sucking the soul out of me from head to toe. I remember that I was trying to recite Ayat Kursi or something but my tongue was tied. This is sleep paralysis (inability to move or speak). And OMG it felt so real I was scared for days. And when I woke up I went to work and scolded my workmate.

*

Okayla fine, the reason I'm doing this is because of what happened last night. I will try and describe this as visually as I can. As usual, I was wide awake on AY's right shoulder (he was on my left and I was facing right, get it?) while he softly snores. Suddenly I felt his right arm moving rapidly. I knew he was having a dream so I left it. Then it happened again. I glanced to my right and his other arm was also like, raised and moving. Imagine someone trying to chase some flies or something with both hands.

I freaked out, I thought he was having a seizure or something. I asked what he was dreaming about, and he said, get this, he was playing a game. Like a motion sensor thing where you have to avoid some laser beams or something? After the initial scare, ohmygod it ended up being too funny! This is not doing it justice. But seriously, if you meet me on the street or something, ask me to demonstrate it to you.

JB update:
Bottle Steriliser (Check!) And we finally brought the carseat home. Next up; cot!

*What's up with all these Harry Potter references?
**Boy, this ended up to be a long one eh?

things people rarely tell you about pregnancy

2010-03-25T12:39:00.002+11:00

I've read many different books about being pregnant and they mostly mention the same things over and over again. I am obviously not an expert but based on my 26 weeks experience, I want to just list a few of those unexpected things nobody say anything about.

Excessive itchiness
You sort of expect them at the tummy, where your skin stretches to accommodate the baby as he/she grows bigger. That makes sense, fair enough. So where is the logic of your hands and feet being itchy? In the middle of the night?! I don't understand why that is.

Be prepared with how annoying this can be when all you can do is scratch because nothing else works. The doctors, midwives and even pharmacists say lotioning up with cocoa butter or aloe vera or calamine lotion would help.

They lied.

I Googled 'itchy-hands-feet-pregnant' and they say it could be your the bile salt in the liver, but my blood tests came back normal. So I guess it's just the hormones.

Do: Marry a patient man - he'd help with the lotioning of the feet.
Don't: Cut your fingernails so short - length helps with the scratching.

The glucose drink - NASTY!
Between weeks 26-28, you will need to do a Glucose Test to check your sugar levels for gestational diabetes. I did this on Monday. A friend said it tastes like cream soda. Nice. I was even happy when they took it out from the fridge. So it was nice and cold. Wrong.

I wasn't supposed to eat anything between the drink and the blood test. So I thought I'd eat something first, you know, so JB won't be hungry LOL. The hospital's Chinese Fried Rice and that glucose drink, bad combination. First of all, it tasted more like Solo with 3 heaped teaspoon of extra sugar. 300ml and more than 1200kj? Blerghh. Second of all, the rice - very oily.

So I threw up. And not just the usual morning sickness. I was purging. Think The Exorcist. Burning sensation in the throat, broken blood vessels and puffy eyes. Yes, attractive. But hey, my glucose check came back normal. My sugar level needs to be below 7.9 and mine was 4.2. Guess it was just the hormones!

Do: Bring a magazine and an iPod to all you check-ups.
Don't: Go alone, if possible.

Weird dreams
Yes, this is a pregnancy symptom. Believe me. Google it. Whatever they say, I've had it all. The sex of the baby, the birth of the baby, the disappearing partners, the reappearing exes, the murderous cats(!). It is just extra annoying when you wake up in the middle of the night and start scratching.

I get that it is a major life-changing event I am going through, so I blame the anxiety, but it is also the hormones.

Do: Sleep or nap as much as you can.
Don't: Feel guilty about it.

The bucket-loads of blood the suck from you
Okay, fair enough la, they need the blood to do whatever tests they need to do. But why so much? Like in three days, I had vials and vials of blood taken from me it has started to hurt. All these while, I'm not as squirmy or scared, but the needle seemed to get bigger and bigger. I swear the last prick left a huge bruise on my arm.

Please note that every pregnancy is different, so if you don't go through any of these, I envy you. Being pregnant once does not make you an expert, so please, I appreciate you sharing your experiences, but don't tell them to me like they are facts everybody should know.

And don't even get me started with those who are just 9-weeks-pregnant-but-thinks-they-know-everything-about-everything.

hailstorm in melbourne!

2010-03-17T19:25:00.002+11:00

So where were you March 6th? If you were not in Melbourne, consider yourself lucky. Because this is what we had to go through.

*

The weather forecast says thunderstorm but the sun was shining so proudly it was really hot in the morning. We went to Victoria Market and I annoyingly repeated 'mana thunderstorm nya?' a couple of times.

We were planning to do some shopping in the afternoon, but because AY has a friendly football match, I was going to have to do the driving while a friend picks him up.

It happened in a blink of the eye. My mom and me stepped into the garage and started the engine, the day changed. It was literally like, 2 seconds. Instinctively I took out my mobile and immediately got a call from AY asking me to drive safely as it has just started raining. The next second he appeared in the garage saying 'forget it, it's hailing'! I knew that he was reluctant to let me drive in the first place because it became really dark. We decided to wait and check it out and this was what we saw.

Our entryway!

Si jakun playing with the ice our balcony collected.

I wasn't allowed to join in :(

View from our balcony.

And then the longest day of our lives started. AY's friend is stuck somewhere because of the flood and traffic so he had to drive himself. And we decided to let him drop us off at any shopping malls.

HUGE mistake.

Poor cars.

At least ours was a 4wd.

Clean up's going to be a bitch!

And it was a long weekend!

It was flooding everywhere. So cars were either merging into one lane or going very slow or not going at all. We were stuck in the car for two hours going nowhere! AY couldn't get to his match and most malls were evacuated because of power failure or leakages or whatever reason, we ended up going to Kopitiam and eat.

It took us another 90 minutes to get home and everyone was doing damage control. I can't believe the hail broke one Southern Cross Station's glass roof panels. It cut through some skylights. Some manholes broke in the middle of the road causing chaos. Costco was leaking apparently. Some cars had their windscreen shattered into pieces. Not to mention little dents on cars. The race at Flemington was halted because the horses were all spooked out. People who got hit with the hail came out with bruises and cuts.

Our ceiling is wet. Our timber handrail is damaged.

They said some ice were as big as golf balls. I didn't believe it until I saw this on someone's Facebook.

It was one of the amazing things I have ever experienced. I was very very jakun. But thank God with all that's happened, there were no fatalities. Thank God we were still in the garage and not in the middle of driving or else I'd be too spooked out or something. The road would've been slippery. *shudders*

And now, a week and a bit after the storm, it is scorching!

Well, thaaaat's Melbourne!

homesick :(

2010-03-16T19:34:00.005+11:00

See? Told you it will be a while.

*

Mama was here for a 10-day visit. We were out everyday and I was tired most of the time. And now I am homesick like crazy.

There's one thing you need to know about me and my mom, in order for me to continue this story. I really love her, but we have this love-hate relationship. We are fine when we are apart, like I-love-you, I-miss-you, and we have heart-to-heart SMSs, but ohmygod when we are in the same vicinity, we are prone to arguments.

I reckon it's particularly hard because I am the only girl in the family and she is the youngest in hers. So we both have this thing where we have to get our way. But because she is my mother, I have to admit she gets her way most of the time, even though sometimes she is obviously wrong.

And because I am so far away now, everything becomes extra sensitive for her. My wedding preparation was a nightmare, gosh! And whenever we talked about it, it always came down to, 'because you're leaving'. It's tough, very tough. But this is the path my life has led me to, and we all have learnt to accept it.

But somehow this trip affected me badly. Because of my 'condition', i.e pregnancy, I got tired real easy so most of the time she was here, I would prefer to sit and wait in Starbucks, so I felt like we did not spend a lot of time together. Sometimes she wants to sleep with me but because I haven't seen my husband AY all day, I'd prefer to sleep on his skin instead. Not to mention she snores like crazy LOL.

Maybe I'm feeling particularly homesick because I'm not working anymore. I quit the week before my mom arrives and I had her for 10-day straight and now I have nothing.

Can't wait for JB!

pregnancy cravings

2010-03-03T19:03:00.016+11:00

Okay, I don't really know the difference between real pregnancy cravings and like, I-suddenly-feel-like-eating-something-and-let's-use-the-baby-as-an-excuse. The books I've read and the websites I have scanned through usually talk about this unusual desire to have something you rarely or never wanted before you became pregnant.

Like, really unusual things. Coal, for instance. Or rubber, as in, rubber soles (which I think my mom used to have, don't trust me on this one though). And raw potatoes. Like, euw. But each to their own I guess. I mean, I am really thankful that I haven't had any of these weird cravings. I can't imagine waking up in the middle of the night asking my husband to run to Bunnings and get a bag of coal. Of course, Bunnings wouldn't be open in the middle of the night, but still.

The first few weeks of pregnancy, I ate sushi at least once a week. Spicy calamari. Yum. Or crispy fish roll. Double yum. That's not that weird is it? YES IT IS! If you know me well enough, you would have known that I DO NOT EAT SUSHI! I could barf just smelling them before I got pregnant. But one day my bosses had some sushi and I guess they smelt really appetizing to JB I bought one straight away after work. That went on for the next few weeks until JB is sick of sushi.

Then it was Yong Tau Foo. Okay, fine, easy enough. If you live in Asia. I mean, I know the best place for Yong Tau Foo back home. Back home, I can crave, buy, eat, have stomach cramps all in the same day. Within an hour, in fact. But not here! I have to cook them myself. And boy was it hard to find Spanish mackerel here. I had to settle with Rockling instead. The whole thing took like 3 hours to prepare and cook. But the result was satisfactory.

Next was rojak. RM5 could probably get you a nice rojak in KL. But my rojak costs AUD30. Haha.

Then it was all Asian food. Kangkong belacan. Kerabu mangga. Masak lemak cili padi. Assam pedas. Satay padang. Roti Canai. Samosas. Nasi Tomato. Hainanese Chicken Rice. All those ulams. Ulam raja, kacang botol. We used to just go petik from the backyard. Here, AUD2.70 for 5 pieces of kacang botol. Yes, serves me right.

The only thing I have been craving and couldn't get or couldn't be bothered to learn how to cook is Nasi Daun Pisang. Like, how can you cook Nasi Daun Pisang? Where can you hire those mamaks to serve you nasi on daun pisang with sauces I don't even know whats in them? Blerggh. If any of you know where to get Halal Banana Leaf Rice in Melbourne, please tell me. Even if it is not Halal, I'll just get the Vegetarian meal or something. If you are a Mamak looking for a business opportunity in Melbourne, now you know.

One thing about having these "cravings" without getting them easily is having to learn to make them myself, which coincidentally makes me a better wife and hopefully a good mom-to-be! And after all those time and effort spent, the food always tastes better, especially when you're doing it for someone you love. It is always comforting to know that JB is an Asian baby after all. LOL.

But anyways, here's a sneak preview.

This was ages ago, probably when I was about 17w4d/16w1d
(depending on which EDD/midwife you want to follow)

Please ignore the mess.

More pregnancy posts soon. But maybe not so soon, Mama arrives tomorrow!

JB update:
We have put a cot & mattress on lay-by!

oh wow, another update!

2010-03-02T14:20:00.003+11:00

I have decided that updating this blog will fall into one of the productive things I could do while being a full-time housewife.

So here I am.

Day One of my second unemployment phase in the same number of years turned out to be one of the most unproductive days I have ever had in so long.

I only woke up when I received a confusing phone call from Australia Post asking to confirm our address in Hampton Park. Apparently, the postal worker was having some trouble reading the handwriting on a parcel or something. And no, we don't live in Hampton Park, I am not even sure where Hampton Park really is. It took about 5 minutes to figure out that she's got the wrong number.

Had my shower only because I was on stand-by to pick my cousin up from the hospital. She's doing her IVF thing for the millionth time and apparently you can't leave alone i.e someone has to pick her up. Did not receive any calls from her so I decided to just hang around in front of the computer the whole day until my eyes started to sore.

Which was when I started to read on the bed. Huge mistake. Fell asleep around 2.30pm and only woke up three hours later feeling hungry. Geez.

So yes, in summary: Sleep - Check!

But Day Two so far has been alright. I vacuumed both bedrooms downstairs!

I should write more about my first-time experience with JB eh? Tomorrow!

i am 26 and unemployed (this is not a repeat post!)

2010-03-01T11:04:00.003+11:00

Why, hello Unemployment, we meet again!

Yes, I served my last spud on Friday. I am 23 weeks into my pregnancy and I thought I needed a rest. Also, my back and feet and neck and arms are beginning to become sore after all the heavy work. So I am now just going to take my time resting and sleeping as much as I can before JB knocks on the door.

Plus, JB's grandmother is arriving Thursday for a visit and all we plan to do is shop! So I did not want to be working when Mama's here. There are still lots of things to get to set up JB's room. I don't mind doing things by myself but it'd be great to have help from an experienced mother-of-four and grandmother-of-one.

Thank you to Rose and Claudia for JB's first gift. It was really unexpected but oh-so-sweet.

i am 26 and knocked up

2010-01-30T11:36:00.018+11:00

YES!

After a year being married and about 5-6 months of trying, we finally found out on our 1st year wedding anniversary. How great was our present from the Almighty?

Initially we wanted to wait until my Australian Visa is granted, but that only took two weeks. Then we said we should get financially secured, i.e. I needed to get a job and since that was proven to be harder than finding a parking space at a shopping center on Boxing Day, we decided to ditch the Durex in April when my mom came to visit. I don't know, I sort of felt, maternal, I guess. Haha.

Anyways, the morning of our anniversary, we were getting ready to go to Tesselaar Tulip Festival somewhere near the Dandenong Ranges with two other married couples. The festival have been going on for years and I never had the interest. I guess it was more of a couple-y thing to do. LOL.

Sorry, muka annoyed sebab sejuk tapi sunny lepas tu ade pulak org nak buat style Hindustan tengah-tengah bunga.

Winner of the sculpture competition. How befitting!

But kesian orang yang dapat triplets macam tiga ekor ni!

Haa, dah kahwin baru nak appreciate bunga!

Yes, tapi bunga cantik. Nah wallpaper.

I decided to do a test, you know, just for fun. Like, how-amazing-would-it-be-if-we-found-out-today sort-of fun. I didn't even tell my husband. So I peed on the stick and I took a shower and I came out and there it was. The faintest little purple line I have ever had the pleasure of seeing! We decided to not tell anyone yet until we are sure i.e. until we take a second or third test.

That day went on to become the longest day. I took another test when we came home and it came out positive again and we went to dinner to not just celebrate our anniversary but also a creation of life.

So we booked an appointment with a GP on the next day and after peeing on a third stick, the doctor happily announced 'It's negative!' KEPALA HOTAK DIA! MESTI DIA SUKA TIDO DALAM CLASS! Okay, even though their test is probably different from store-bought ones where we have to wait an eternity for the results to show, I'm sure you still had to wait for at least 5 seconds on theirs. Which he clearly did not do. When the line became clearer, he had the guts to say, 'Oh, you're still too early, that's why it was 50-50' SERIOUSLY, KEPALA HOTAK KAU! No wonder he was the only one available at last minute. Nobody likes you ay? PFFT!

I took four tests in total, not counting pathology, including the one at the GP. The last one was just to convince myself I was pregnant about three weeks after because I did not have much pregnancy-related symptoms.

Okay, you can't really see the purple line here because it is really faint, but the middle one clearly shows positive, right?

See, you don't have to go to medical school to know that!

So, long story short, we told our family and most people guessed on Facebook WTH but I was still uncertain until we heard the baby's heartbeat at 16weeks and we finally saw JB* a few days ago. Active little sunshine!

JB's going to be a dancer!

The baby was hiding it's face at first then the OB wiggled my belly and made JB play Peek-A-Boo with us!

I really reckon JB looks like me, what do you think?

I have succeeded in restraining myself from buying baby stuff from the very beginning. But since we heard the heartbeat and had our ultrasound, we've spent almost AU350! Target's Baby Bumperthon was ending the same day we had our ultrasound,we needed to catch up anyways.

*We, well, mostly me, decided to call the baby JB for June Baby, although I hope it will be a July Baby so I don't have to think of a birthday present for my husband this year. (Sayang, jangan baca ni!)

salah ke makan nasi ayam pukul 7.30pagi?

2010-01-13T13:36:00.002+11:00

SALAH; kalau lepas itu terus nak pergi medical check-up.

SALAH; kalau lepas itu terus morning sickness keluar balik semua.

SALAH; kalau terletak sos cili banyak sangat.

tapi TAK SALAH kalau JB lapar sebab malam sebelumnya makan pukul 6.30 petang.

happy birthday you!

2009-11-25T12:49:00.004+11:00

How funny is it that this blog is now 1 year old?

*

And how funny is it that I am celebrating by actually writing an entry while lying in bed at 12.50pm?

Now before you think what a lazy ass I have become in this past year, I have my reasons.

I was reading my first entry just before (this is NOT the reason) and it has been almost a year that I've distanced myself from the world of architecture. And God knows when I will resume my role as a Project/Design Architect. With the baby coming in June, I guess it will at least be another year until I can even start looking. It is definitely going to be hard to catch up especially because design and technology evolves and well, I haven't been keeping up to date. Maybe I should look up 'Architecture' in Facebook and start keeping in touch.

I have been working for two weeks straight and today is the only day I am off. So I said to my husband that I was going to have some me time while he's at work, i.e long bath, mani & pedi, catch up with Prison Break and all that jazz. But I was secretly going to wash the upstairs bathroom and cook Nasi Goreng Tomyam.

I woke up 1.5 hours later than I usually do, checked my emails on the bed, start to lie down again and suddenly felt nauseous. So I threw up. So I had my first (or second) morning sickness. I had one on Saturday morning but I did not know the difference between morning sickness and normal nausea. So yea, that is the reason why I am still in bed (and it's 1.08pm now).

Husband said he'll wash the bathroom this weekend (we'll see) and that I should just rest and watch dvds, which I will.

Anyways, JB is 11 weeks today, he/she can now listen to us! No more arguing okay babe?

*

Why is Windows 7 messing up with the size of my fonts? It keeps on going from big to small to big again every time I scroll the touchpad. But things look so much better on this new notebook!

i love rain and thunderstorm

2009-11-22T12:25:00.002+11:00

The rain has not stopped since last night, it is good for the Melbourne water storage, but brilliant for our moods.

We dressed nicely, walked(ran) in the rain and danced all night.

Classic movie scene in mind.

How romantic!

And Liverpool-Man City drew.

God really did not want us to fight this weekend.

scorching november

2009-11-11T20:16:00.003+11:00

Melbourne is experiencing it's hottest November since 1902. I feel sorry for the guy who had to experience both.

*

Sorry I missed the whole of October.

On the Eleventh, our marriage turned one and our two became three!

On the same day :)

golden lounging

2009-09-29T11:45:00.000+10:00

Blogging from the lounge, MH129 anyone?

malaysia my second home?

2009-09-15T11:47:00.001+10:00

Has it really come to that? LOL

MH148 today, anyone?

do i have to give duit raya this year?

2009-09-09T13:21:00.009+10:00

This time next week I will be in my old room

Yes, that room used to be my brother's room which he shared with Ali the iguana,
but now it is my room.

It is not as pink as my old room which I stayed in only about three months a year,
It has no flowery wallpaper and curtains,
It has no stars on the ceiling,
but it is still my room.

But at least it does not have the forest and hidden monkeys as a view.

The bathroom I am going to use this time next week used to be my brother's
Yes, Ali used to stay perched on the ledge behind the WC,
but now it is my bathroom.

It is not as pink as the tiles I picked and matched myself,
It has no tub with the seashells on the floor,
It is small and dusty,
but it is still my bathroom.

But at least the hot water system is working.

Can't wait to be home and babysit this Ahmoi!

Or play with these monkeys!

And pamper this mother hen!

And of course, meet these smellies!

everything is possible

2009-08-26T12:49:00.003+10:00

How is it possible, that YOU, of all people, think so lowly of me?

*

Everyday we make choices in life.

I choose to love you.

I think it's time that you choose to support me.
Or at least pretend to.

victoria market's jam doughnuts

2009-08-14T21:17:00.002+10:00

There must be something about those doughnuts in a van that people just won't mind queuing up for miles for.

Maybe I could try make it at home?

Wife: You nak I belajar buat doughnuts tu tak?
Husband: You tau ke?

Haih!

hi, what would you like on your spud today?

2009-08-12T14:25:00.001+10:00

A mother and her adult child were talking about money issues.

The child, having been unemployed for a long time became frustrated and began to plan to rob a bank.

Child: Pergi rompak bank lah camni!
Mother: Okay bagi kat Mama sikit k.
Child: Kalau Mama nak ambik lah sendiri.
Mother: Alah, nanti siapa nak jaga Nan, kena kasi duit sikit.
Child: You think I would want to go rob a bank alone? Nan mesti la ikut!

But thankfully, since this conversation took place, the child was offered a part-time job at a cafe twice a week. The robbery is now Plan C.

*

As promised a million years ago, gorge on these why don't ya?

With of course, the star of the show.

And the FIVE birthday cakes (including pavlova and pulut kuning)!

These are all in one night! So now you get what I mean right? Everytime I say 'balik-kampung' and 'gain weight'?

But on behalf of the birthday man, we are really greatful for the free flight tickets and the huge effort on putting on the generous food display and of course, the good times in the backyard surrounding the heater, real (Figure 1) or not (Figure 2).

Midnight Melbourne time we were on the plane
Midnight Perth time I wished him once again
Then it was with family and childhood friends
And once again back in Melbourne with Hawthorn gents

Thanx guys for coming and pfft for not following the dresscode!

*I apologised for the quality of the photos. I'm not a food journalist. ~~I wish I was.~~

wait, haven't we had this conversation before?

2009-07-08T21:40:00.008+10:00

Please lah Mr Google, stop rubbing it in my face!

Tukar ymail kang!

*

We got in from Perth at 5.45am this morning to a 2-degree bone-chilling weather and frosted car-window display. Nice...NOT! Brrr!!

Sneak preview time!

Can you see the resentment in his eyes?

Whoops! Maybe that's why.

Soup Of The Day:
If your destination is more than 2-hours away, tak payah lah nak naik JetStar ye. Virgin Blue recommended, but Tiger pun boleh.

shout out to my birthday man!

2009-07-03T00:15:00.002+10:00

I know I always snap at you for this lack of life I'm having. I always blame you for making me leave my family, my job, my home, my friends (my cats!), basically my life, to be with you in this strange land*.

I often feel that it is because of you that I wake up every ~~mid~~day feeling redundant. Sometimes I blame the recession for wasting my six years of expensive education and immeasurable stress , but mostly I blame you. My brain has gone way too slow. It has not been used productively for as long as I can remember.

Every time there is a birth that I am missing, a wedding I would not be attending, or worse, a death that I cannot say my last goodbyes to at home, I hold you responsible. And being the great man that you are, you usually let me tell you off.

But I have a confession. It is not your fault.

If I have a choice, I don't really want to be here. But I can't be without you. If being with you means I have to give up everything that I had back home, then that's what I would do. There was no contemplating.

And for so many that I have lost, I have gained much more. ~~Yes I mean my weight jugak blergghhh~~. But more importantly, I have received more love that I ever had imagine. Maybe even more that I am ever worthy of.

You opened up my softer side that I never knew I had, growing up with three brothers. You bear my childish attitude that I never got to be, trying to be so mature from such a young age. You accept me for who I am. You take me for the nothing that I was. There is no way I can lie to you, you know me better than I do.

I appreciate everything that you have done to and for me. It breaks my heart seeing you come back from work, have a rushed dinner, spend two minutes with me and then go off to work again. I wish things could go differently.

I do not deserve a man like you. Every night I cry while you sleep, I feel lucky to have you. Everyday I think that you would have had enough and leave. But you still stayed around. And for this I am blessed. And I would really love it if you would stay. Don't ever leave. Not even for a day.

Because although mostly I feel like I am nothing,
without you I'd be nothing at all.

*

Babe guess what? First birthday we are physically together! Haha, sedih.

Happy birthday sayang, you're old!!!

Taaaaayang dia!

*Okay sorry I exaggerated, it's not really a strange land la kan.

once upon a queen's birthday weekend

2009-07-01T14:48:00.005+10:00

Okay I know it was almost a month ago.

But Smorgy's tak sedap.

Maybe I got too excited to find out there was a Halal all-you-can-eat. So what if it's 65kms from Melbourne? It's a long weekend. We deserve to go somewhere we haven't been in a while kan?

And maybe it was the hearty breakfast we had before we left home. It was a Saturday, so we deserve a breakfast that does not consist of ceral and light milk kan?

But maybe I expected it to be like those all-you-can-eats in Malaysia, where there are always smorgasbords of good food. And you always feel cheated because there is no way you can eat food that's worth the amount of money you paid.

So, well, Smorgy's is everything but.

Everything, from the food to the plates and toilets were almost gross, except for the machine-made ice-cream, which always comes out like perfect little white turd.

But happy birthday nenek William!

*

Hey at least we got to see the making of the new
Pirates of The Caribbean sequal!

Bet Johnny Depp was sipping wine in this Hummer Limo!

And of course, I got to hang with my favourite man.

Soup Of The Day:
Buffets sini you only pay for the food. Drinks will cost extra and definitely no top-ups. Haha, Sara culture-shock!

*Sequal tu tipu je.

i don't like unusual activities too

2009-06-24T10:06:00.005+10:00

Google Mail blocks my account for 24 hours in regards to unusual activity.

*

Yes, if being unemployed is an unusual activity, then I am guilty.

I have sent hundreds of resumes and 'Expression of Interests' to hundreds of different companies and the nicest reply I've got so far is "Hi, Thanks for your interest. I really like your work. However, I have just hired two people recently so your timing was unfortunate. I will keep your details though as you never know what might happen."

Okay I swear when I first read it, I thought, 'yeay he liked my work'. I mean, he could have just said, "Dear Sarah,We regret that we do not have any positiblablabla", or the latest and the most honest "Our current workload is such that we are not in position to take on new staff at this time", but he sweetens it up with "I really like your work". "Really"

"Really!"

Does he really? Or was he just being nice? He probably was, but he is giving me false hope.

Now what is so nice about that!

*

Dear Mr Google,

If you think it actually is unusual that I'm sending that many resumes in a short time, why don't you give me a job? I am a highly-competent Googler and I assure you, with the right guidance, I will contribute to the already ongoing success of Google and it's affiliations.

Best Regards,
Advanced Googler

sometimes i think i'm funny

2009-06-05T08:38:00.003+10:00

excerpt email 1; husband to wife
>hehe.. travel agent bagus gak.. bole dpt cheap tix blk msia.
>
>syg.. im not so running around like a headless chicken anymore. i'm
>gonna check out places to go this wekend

excerpt email 2; wife to husband
>babe! dont run around like a headless chicken! u'll look silly. just
>run around normally. like normal people do. or like footballers.
>they look cool when then run around.
>
>i checked out fish n chip shops kat geelong tadi. ade smorgys. hmm
>tapi tak jumpa website aah.

2162*3

2009-05-22T16:32:00.003+10:00

21 days playing host/tourist/host.
6 trips to the airport.
2 shades darker wtf.
3 kilos gained WTF.

Yes, it's that time of the year again.

*

I can't even make up excuses for the lack of updates. It's not like I'm working full-time with triplets to look after. ~~Though sometimes I do wish that is the case.~~ By the by, enjoy the ~~flash~~ slide show!

*

Saturday, April 18 2008; Family Day

Husband being extra-careful driving the 6-hour old car.

Spot the Mom!

*Photo credits to self!

Sunday, April 19 2008; Playing Host

Reminiscing old times at Docklands. (See photo below!)

Spot the Bibik! ahaha (December 13 2006)

*Photo credits to Sayang sayang and Papa sayang.

*

Monday, April 20 2009; More Shopping!
~~Tangan tak larat nak ambik gamba, sorry~~

Tuesday, April 21 2009; Playing Tourists
0620 Melbourne-Adelaide

Adelaide's Central Market

Jakunnya dia ni, dalam market pun nak ambik gamba.

Haha, dia pun sama! Tak malu!

Oaks Plaza Pier, Glenelg
(which, read backwards, is still Glenelg!)

View from our balcony.

The reason for the visit!

~~To have good Greek food with half-Greeks!~~
to meet Mom's cousin and her family. She's been there since the 60's! Whoa!
(Spot the Bibik! ahaha)

*Photo credits to the waiter (yg sendiri ambik takyah bagi credit la)

*

Wednesday, April 22 2009; Back to Nature

First, we paid respect to those who sacrificed themselves...

then, to those who sacrificed their family members!

We explored the vineyard,

only to discover a *gasp* Greek man in the kitchen!

*Photo credits to K. Nareem ~~and myself~~.

Thursday, April 23 2009; Home Wet Home
0740 Adelaide - Melbourne

Hujan pun nak shopping jugak!

*Photo credits to myself

*

Friday, April 24 2009; Home-cooked Nasi LeMama!

While I was busy in the kitchen doing the dishes...

these people sat around gossiping! ~~How dare they!~~

*Photo cred okay-okay!

*

Saturday, April 26 2009; Goodbye Mom!
Camera went back with Mom, sorry.

Tuesday, May 5 2009; Playing Host (again!)

I'm married to her bestfriend, she said.
It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Her bestfriend, the Chemist by day, RocketMan by night.

*Photo cr ye lah!

*

Wednesday May 6 2009; Back to Nature
(The 'Back to Nature' that also means shopping and food!)

Perthanian(?) in Melbourne.

We thought the Smiley Fries meant actual smiley fries. wth?
(anyway, guess muka sape tu? haha it's you Sayang!)

Yes, this is the real Back to Nature bit!
We saw Dralion!
(and we highly recommend that you ~~get on the bus~~ go see it!)

Promise!

The RocketMan stole my coffee...

and his sister's souffle! (even though he paid for them, heh)

*Sorry for the photo-heavy entry!

welcome baby saisha!

2009-05-20T15:02:00.002+10:00

One-day old and already she had her tongue out to her

long-distance aunt & uncle.

~~How dare you!~~ Cubit pipi tembam tu baru tau!

my year without sex

2009-05-05T18:28:00.005+10:00

Eh, relax... It's a movie.

See?

"...a love story about a family dealing with all the big questions and even more of the small ones."

And guess what? If you are reading this, you have a chance to win a double pass to watch it anywhere in Australia, valid after May 28th! How great is that? You can thank me after you thank the good guys at nuffnang. Deal?

All you have to do to win is to buy me a WiiFit. Okay maybe that is hard to mail out, so you should just ~~send me a cash voucher instead!~~ promise to give up your seat to the elderlies next time you are on a tram/bus/train~~/bike~~.

Email me here and tell me how nice you can be!

*I go away for a month and come back with a giveaway? How cool is that?
*Another ~~flash~~ slide show coming up soon!

thank you, you know who you are

2009-04-07T17:31:00.002+10:00

When you don't support the things that I am doing,

it is hard to do anything at all.

how was your march 21?

2009-03-24T16:38:00.003+11:00

We decided to tag along to surprise an old friend for her birthday at the very last minute. The sudden sugar hit from a small slice of cake and three sips of coke at midnight prevented me from going to sleep until 5am.

I woke up early, took a shower and commenced my duty as a wife. Somehow I was emotionally distressed and stopped whatever I was doing when Husband said that I did not seem like myself. I felt myself shaking and immediately cried on his chest.

For the first time in our marriage, I was experiencing a breakdown. I have had one once or twice before, mostly due to the pressure of my degree course. I wish it was the combination of sleep deprivation and unusual sugar level, but I have to admit it was not as simple as that. I could not even comprehend it myself.

And for that, I am forever grateful for your comforting chest and kind words.

*

It was almost 2pm when we fully woke up and got ready for the friendly Hawthorn vs Clayton soccer match. Pyan came with us and insisted that I take the front seat.

It was a hot day, the window was down and that was when a honeybee decided to sting me. Right smack on my head. The strict seatbelt rule meant that I can't turn around and Pyan can't come to the front, so Husband valiantly took the sting out, while driving. Thankfully the attack (acheh) was at a place where there isn't too much flesh, so there were no apparent swells.

~~I killed the little SOTB with a lighter straightafter, so I'll wait for the mourning period to be over before I post any photos of it.~~

And for that, I am forever grateful for your courageous and concerned ways.

*

Although I have always said that it's time for Husband to change his car and meant it, I never meant for it to go this way. I never meant for the Aurion driver to fall asleep while driving and hit the back of his Lancer.

It happened in a split second. When I glanced at the side mirror I didn't see anything so I immediately assumed that our tyre exploded. The boys obviously knew more. The collision was so strong that the car skidded quite a long way from where it was hit.

Besides Husband's scraped leg and Pyan's backache due to the impact on the backseat, we are all okay. I realised much later that the seatbelt gave me a cut on my neck, but other than that we are okay. Just a bit shook up.

It's not until Pyan mentioned getting a new car and me saying 'But dia sayang kereta ni' did I realise that I actually sayang it too. I just did not see it as a family car ~~and I did not like the history~~. But to see it go this way is a bit disappointing.

I haven't told him this before but I respect Husband's way of handling the whole issue.

Poor Baby.

And for that, I am forever grateful for your composed and forgiving manners.

*

Lancer is giving up on us; it decided to let an X5 hit it at the exact same spot yesterday. What are the odds?

Or maybe because we started browsing carsales.com.au. Sorry.

Poor poor Baby.

Ape cita ade duct tape?

But for that, I am forever grateful that you can see the funny side of all these.

So for all these, I am forever grateful for my husband.

*Sorry for the long entry.

the time of your life

2009-03-19T22:14:00.001+11:00

I felt the second tremor. It was my first earthquake.

It was like someone running around on your roof. Which, in hindsight, sounds very scary. Especially if you are often alone at home and have my sense of imagination.

*

When you are 25 and leave the key in the keyhole, you need to grow up.

When you are 28 and can't clean the bread crusts off the kitchen counter, you need to grow up.

When you are 30 and blame everybody else for your misfortunes, you need to grow up.

When you are 27 and bitter about other people's happiness, you need to grow up.

When you are 30 and still get allowances from your parents, you need to grow up.

When you are 40 and still want to compete with everybody, you need to grow up.

When you are 29 and still watch WWE Raw, you need to grow up sayang, heheheh!

*And when you break my thongs, you need to buy me a new one!

how to run away from creepy old guys

2009-03-17T23:30:00.003+11:00

Yesterday, a piece of paper with red, orange and yellow squiggles with an emblem stating the word Australia in the centre was pasted in my passport.

Yesterday, I applied for my Medicare account.

Yesterday, I officially became a migrant.

*

I felt like Alice in Wonderland when I saw the Easter display of Ferrero Rocher hanging off the ceiling. It looked magical and I felt a sudden surge of desire. I did not know what I was longing for, it was neither chocolates nor eggs. Maybe an egg-shaped lump of gold?

I walked around the mall to unsuccessfully find a substitute for that lump of gold and decided to head home nearing 2 o'clock and two blisters.

And that was when it happened. A 64-year-old *maybe* man asked if I liked the Ferrero. This is at least 30 minutes after the picture is taken! I had my iPod on so he had to ask me twice. It could have been a real genuine 'Do you like the Ferrero?' question but it somehow freaked me out.

Maybe because I was reminded of the time, circa 2002, while I was waiting for a tram in Carlton one early morning, an OLD man came to me, said hello, shook my hand with his four-fingered hand *not lying* and kissed both sides of my cheek. I have never prayed for a tram so hard in my life before.

And another time ~~at band camp~~ last year, during my first and last visit to Majlis Bandaraya Petaling Jaya for work, this man, aged hmm let's say 65, did the same thing. But he had five fingers and gave me his card, asked for my number three times and called me at work the same day to ask me out for coffee or something.

*

Today, I went shopping via a movie about someone confessing about being an addict to buying stuff or something. It was a total chick movie I did not even invite Husband to come along with us girls. So I was sort of surprised to see some ~~gay~~ guys in the cinema, but not as surprised when I saw a much older man, about 70 *not lying* crawled *exaggerating* his way to the top row and sat next to me.

I immediately froze and held on to my bag and scarf and pretended to focus on the screen. I was too busy thinking what this grandfather is doing watching a chick movie alone on a Tuesday afternoon that I forgot the title of the movie *okay ni confirm tipu lah, I'm not blond*.

*

Is it my fault that I have only watched Slumdog Millionaire today? And is it my fault if I could not fully understand the heavy-Indian-accented English?

*

Q: So what do you do when some old creep stalks you and start talking crazy?

A: Run, just run. Because most of the time, they won't be able to chase you. Even if it means breaking your favourite 2009 shoe*.

*At least it gives you a reason to shop for new shoes.

let's go on a mission

2009-03-13T15:19:00.000+11:00

Q: What happens when your once fat loser friend becomes the hot chick everybody loves?

A: You feel fat and ugly and lonely and sad and pathetic.

So why don't you drag your husband to the nearest sports factory outlet on a public holiday, look for the trainers that you forgot to pack in your RM300 + AU$421.85 boxes, so you can promise yourself that you will be more active and healthy. And not feel quite so fat and ugly and lonely and sad and pathetic.

Only, you can't afford the Mei Lo trainers you forgot, so you settle on Kailee, the would-be-temporary trainer in kids size and kids' colour*.

Let's face it, you have tried it all. From the gym, to the fat-sucking centers, the dangerous diet pills, the bulimia, the supplement shakes and bars, the excessive laxatives and to simply starving yourself. Combination numbers 3 and 7 worked best. You lost 15 kilos in three months but gained 6 in the same amount of time.

So, paahh, you say to all these fads!

It is now time to face the real world and do this the proper way. You are on a mission and I will hold your hand all the way to the end. We would not rest until the mission is met!

Now let the adventures begin!

Happy 2nd Friday the Thirteenth of 2009!

Soup Of The Day:

Kids shoe sizes start from 14 and go downwards to 1, with 1 being the biggest*.

*And by kid's colour, yes, I do mean Pink.

*And no, I wasn't even a 1.

boys vs girls; shopping

2009-03-05T20:35:00.008+11:00

Men* buy what they need. Women, hmm, shop*.

I had come to this realisation years ago, but have always refused to believe it. I mean, we need different types of black dresses, for different occasions, and obviously different seasons. But of course, Black Shoes #1 that would go with Black Dress #1 would not go so well with Black Dress #3, right?

But after unpacking my cargo from Malaysia, I would bow humbly and say that yes, it is true. Mind you, my 'cargo' only consisted of two mini boxes that costed RM300 + AU$421.85 and a lot of heartache to send and receive.

The boxes finally arrived three months after I started packing them. They had been through a lot of packing and unpacking and repacking. In the end, my mom did a great job in organising everything, even wrapping each shoe tidily in newspapers.

Anyway, as I unravelled through the wonders of my bad fashion decisions, I found some of my clothes still had their tags on. It has been a habit of mine to buy clothes, and not take their tags off until I actually need to wear them. But the tag on a Zara top bought in Spain during the 2005 Eurotrip is simply ridiculous. It had literally travelled from Barcelona to London to Kuala Lumpur to Melbourne, back to KL and now it has managed to sneak in the box to be with me in Melbourne.

Okay, cam takdelah banyak sangat. But still!

This matter, as boring as it sounds came up once when my cousin came to Melbourne early 2006, went shopping with us girls, actually bought something and wear it the day after. I said I rarely do that and he then declared that men only shop for things because they need them, unlike women. I did not want to admit it then, but now I know it is a fact.

I am now making a pact with myself, witnessed by Husband, that I would wear all the tag-attached clothes by the end of the year. Or June. Because if I don't, I won't let myself shop anymore. For clothes.

I'll just get a hat and gloves later today.

*

So far, the system here has surpassed my expectations. We were supposed to wait 2 to 6 weeks for the results of my medical examination but we got it in a week. (And yeay I passed my urine test!)

Apparently, the process for a Spouse Visa would take 4 to 6 months, but two weeks after lodging our application, Alhamdulilah, I am now a legal resident of Australia. Which means, I can work. Which means, I need to find work.

Haiyah.

*Might exclude metrosexuals and homosexuals. I don't know their shopping habits.
*Even if they are broke as hell. Silly creatures, really.

husband is at work and i'm bored

2009-02-25T20:54:00.004+11:00

I don't get the meaning of this song much, but it's a beautiful song to perform if you can play guitar and have a soulful voice. I love it.

I do get THIS song, but I don't get why I was asked to listen to it.

living room; check!

2009-02-17T13:32:00.004+11:00

Wife: It has to go to the right a bit.
Husband: Which right?
Wife: How many rights do you have?

*

Chaise Lounge +

empty living room +

hard work on a sunny Valentine's =

a comfy snuggle area :)

Soup Of The Day:
Nice and comfy chaise lounge from Plush is perfect for that powernaps when you need to rest in between saving the elderly cross the road and rescuing the kittens from the roof.

Cak. Hehe. Kesian Dia.

*Ingat Superman ke ape?

and we're back!!

2009-02-11T14:39:00.000+11:00

...says the Captain of the Fly-Brigade.

Haih.

*

Okay, ini baru heatwave.

The heat came on Saturday and went on Sunday. With it, it took away the township of Marysville, houses, cars and 181 lives, so far. The bushfire is now known as a 'mass murderer'. The Black Saturday was apparently worse than Ash Wednesday 25 years ago. Here's praying for all the victims and their families.

I wish there was more that I can do.

*

Stood in line = 33 minutes
Patience Test = 4 minutes
Urine Test = 3 minutes
Patience Test = 20 minutes
Height/Weight & Eye Test = 7 minutes
Patience Test = 12 minutes
HIV Blood Test = 6 minutes
Patience Test = 6 minutes
Blood Pressure & Heart rate = 11 minutes
Patience Test = 28 minutes
Urine Test no 2 = 5 minutes
Patience Test = 2 minutes
X-ray Test = 13 minutes

I am actually scared for my medical examination. Dr Tutton said blood pressure and heart rate are all good, which is surprising considering the symptoms and family low-blood history. James took a bucket load of blood for the HIV test. I tested negative before, but they only pricked a finger. With so much more blood, surely they can scrutinize.

But I am extra scared for the Urine Test. Bad enough I had a scare and had to drink 78 gallons of water to give new sample.

I guess we will find out in 4-6 weeks. Please pray for me.

*Time-time tu semuanya estimate je. Tapi total tu lebih kurang lah.